what title should I put? ?_?;

I felt so inspired to study today. I did start a little later than I should have, and I had big hopes to be able to study Chemistry and a little bit of Biology, but I didn't even manage to study all of Chemistry. I'm just too slow...

I'm not going to let myself get stressed out yet, though. That has been my strategy lately-- no stress! Stress leads you to ruin, at times. Or panicking.

I'm a hard working student at some times, but lazy in comparison to some others. Daddy-o says I should not just focus on studying. And he's right! But I have such a hard time on trying to do my best on school while focusing on other things. In that sense I'm not a good multi-tasker.

Yeck, why do I always start with school t-t As if it it'll be so important to me in the next couple years, right? But I have this complex that tells me I need to prove myself capable. Me dad only wants me to pass, and so do I, but I want to pass with good grades, with great grades. Not just okay grades. ~_~

Nya, whatever. I have to figure out a balance somehow. I need to keep school out of this blog somehow. It eats up all my posts and takes out all the quirkiness.

Speaking of quirkiness-- check out a band called The Boy Least Likely To. They are very cool and sweet and odd! Sadly I haven;t been able to find all the songs I wanted for download. Go to their website.

One recommendation is "Every Goliath Has Its David". A lot of their songs are so happy and cute. Some songs can get their dark side too, though. But seriously, take a look! Another song that's great as well, and more easy to find, is "Be Gentle with Me". And well-- the others ones are awesome too! -->(Balloon On A Broken String!) Too bad they don't have all the songs of their new album on the site. ;o One reviewer said that if your plushies and teddybears started a band, these would be the songs they'd be singing. XD

Oh and of course they are British. Good ol' brits make good music, interesting and creative stuff-- let's admit it!


Ramble-y post. Not what I wanted. And it's 9PM AHHHH!!! ToT I have to be ready by 9:30 for bed.
I sound like such a kid here, lol.

In need of a change-- of me.

It seems like I only have these bursts of "I need to write now" in the late hours of the night-- when I know I should be sleeping, but the energy is so high, especially after seeing a movie that left you inspired and happy, which in my case was "In the Land of Women." But that isn't what I'm going to talk about now.

What I want to talk about is what I have been avoiding, as in avoiding to write about. It's something very simple and basic, but I keep on leaving it for "later" and never do it, like many other things.

I need to write down what I want to change, what I want to improve, what I want to do, what I WANT, what I feel I NEED in order to take out this in-content feeling out of me, this feeling that I'm just letting my days go by, giving away all the chances I have for so many different experiences. The feeling that I'm not happy with myself.

I never really was, a 100%, or else I'd be one of those confident people and most likely wouldn't be going this this monologue so many times already-- but yeah-- so!

1) I want to stop hiding in my own little world. 'Stop being afraid of showing who I am. In other words, I want to be able to look straight at someone when I'm talking to them and not elsewhere.

2) I want to be able to come up to someone I've never talked to before, but I have been itching too for a while, and actually be able to have a conversation and to continue talking the next day.

3) I want to be able to make a friend that is "irrelevant" in relation to the group of friends that I have now and keep that friend in contact.

4) And as silly as this may sound, I want to be able to look at a guy who I may find attractive and be able look at him as a possible friend, a person to get to know, rather than a romantic prospect.

5) I want to be independent of my group of friends, casual or not.
6) I want to be, for a change, the person who invites someone/or a group out and not the one to be invited.
7) I want to be comfortable in my skin.
8) I want others to be comfortable around me.

Those are just some things I could think of. I know a lot of it has to do with self confidence issues and insecurity, but making a note of each goal is what my dad has suggested to me. It makes sense, too-- he said that by doing this, my brain will slowly but surely, come up with a solution, as it gets accustomed to the ideas.

Any suggestions are good for me, even if hard to hear. :)
Good night!