GIGANTLY LATE UPDATE

Listening to: Kill the Light - Kitten
I am not dead... just in a different country at the moment. See, long story short: I'm in São Paulo right now, most likely to stay because finances don't let me continue college in Miami. Sure, I finished my 1st semester there fine, but what we thought would be not so impossible to achieve, turns out to be.

I started paying the out-of-state tuition, expecting that after a year of living there and such I'd be able to get the in-state requirements. But in the end it seems that the state of Florida, or maybe all colleges in general, make it nearly impossible for a person under 24 (considered an "dependent") to be "independent" and therefore eligible to residency for the in-state if you're parents cannot prove residency. Simple as that. Sure, there were other requirements as well that weren't impossible to get but extremely impractical and while trying to achieve such needs I'd be wasting another huge chunk of money for another year or so. That's even before I'd get the in-state tuition which would be more than half the cost of out-of-state.

ANYWAY that's just what the story was and the story now is that I'm here in São Paulo where I will most likely get a college degree here, either at an actual college, a specialized school, or a mix of a school here and an online college outside of Brazil. It all remains to be decided as to which, but most likely I'll be doing one of the first two here.

I may sound bitter and annoyed, but I'm ultimately happy to be back in Brazil. In the end, it feels more like home even though I'm not super familiar with São Paulo itself. Sure, it sucks to try something and not succeed completely, as far as studying in Miami, but it is what it is and it doesn't mean I won't go back there some time. I just can't right now based on the current circumstances.

I have a bunch of stuff at the apartment there, though. Possibly my dad will have to fly there eventually to get everything. Because initially I didn't come to SP to visit with staying in mind.

SOOOO YEAH. Been looking for short-term flats with my dad and stuff. There's not much else to say I suppose. That and I've been making a list of colleges and schools I'm interested in.

Also, I got tired of the JGL layout, even though it was so gorgeously 50's style. This girly purple thing is inspired by a manga called Strobe Edge, one I will review eventually, but rest assured I love it. IT IS SO FRIKKIN CUTE YOU HAVE NO IDEA! AND YET IT MANAGES TO BE SO DARN TOUCHING. Sorry, I had to use caps here.

Late update (John Mayer alert!)

OK, I won't be able to mention much in detail at this very moment, but I'll try and mention the basic details. ...And before I say anything else, I must announce one thing:

I found out last night on my twitter (something I go to very rarely when I'm seriously bored) that John Mayer will be playing in West Palm Beach on Sept. 11th! And there's still seats available! (sadly not front row, though.) It was already past midnight when I saw the video-message from JM. I almost thought it was a joke. My dad was already asking me once again to go to sleep and I seriously didn't think I would be able to because I was so excited. West Palm Beach is only a 2 hour drive from Miami!

Even though the ticket's pricy, I reeeeaaaalllly want to buy a seat anyway. (This is coming from a stingy person when it comes to spending money.) Who knows when's the next time I'll be able to go to his concert!

Honestly, that made my night yesterday. /o/

Now, onto more boring things:

• I've been in Miami for almost 2 weeks now. Still in a motel with my dad until we have found and decided on a temporary apartment. That aspect has been a bit of a pain.

• I've finished my registration for MDC and already chose my classes. They're all in the afternoon! I mean, my classes. I can't see myself waking up who knows how early to go to a class starting 7AM or 8AM after this long vacation.

• Don't have a purchased car yet, because I still have to do the DMV exam. I think today I'll pay for the DATA course online (drug and traffic awareness course)... Yesterday for the second time, I learned a little bit on driving in my dad's car. We went to one of those big empty parking lots, but even so, I felt so nervous driving. Maybe 'cause my dad made such a darn serious examiner. I also realized yesterday that I still have a lot more to read on the DMV handbook. -_-

That's pretty much all I can tell you for now. I'm also trying to get rid of a cold I caught from my dad (which he hasn't gotten rid of yet haha). I miss Brazil, but I'm also liking the change. I can definitely see myself getting excited if I hear any people speaking portuguese here, though. Which already happened a couple days ago at the Apple store. :D

I'll try to post more soon.

Cleanin', PMS, responsibilities...

Listening to: "U Can't Touch This" - Glee Cast
Yes, Glee is addicting. When it first came out I didn't like it much. I thought the humor was strange and the story was too full of typical stereotypes and sometimes plain cheesy. But then I watched some more episodes with a bunch of friends who already liked the show, and of course it's contagious! I think it's simply one of those shows that people either love or hate and sometimes it's just a matter of growing on you. Which was my case. But I always liked Kurt even when I didn't like the show, though! Now I am once again hooked after the break they took and have been downloading episodes online, lol. I'm also loving even the cheesy parts of the show because it just makes me laugh. Besides I always loved music. And this show has made me like songs I normally wouldn't ever listen to.

Actually, I wasn't planning to start this post with a Glee introduction, but since some people may notice my choice of song, I dunno -- why not mention it? I am hooked on that song ever since ... well, what -- yesterday? I always liked the original song and to have the Glee dudes do it was really fun to watch and now I can't get enough of it. It's just the song to cheer me up and get you moving!

Which brings me to mention my recent PMS. For the last 2 or 3 days I've been all sour and no fun. Well, at least let's just say I've had no enthusiasm these past few days. Right now, at this very moment, I feel fine. But this morning and through the afternoon, I was all frowns and all I could think of was the things that were bothering me. Mostly responsibilities and basic self organization.

I'm not addressing a lot of things I should be -- studying, errands for my dad, getting rid of things at home, etc. And organization is something that is terribly lacking for me. I use to be such a neat freak when I was a kid, the kind that has a panic attack inside when someone starts moving something out of its "designated" place. But as I got into the teen phase, say... at 16? I'd say I lost my knack for organization at 16 or 17. And it's so sad, because I really do strive to be neat! I want to be neat. My nature is to be attracted to neat, clean environments. I mean, heck -- I'm an anti-germ freak, for sure. So being a neat-freak seems only natural. Alas, it remains a struggle for me to keep my things organized! Like I hate dust with a passion but I still let it accumulate on my desk.

...So I lament my flaws but get annoyed when my dad insists on me making To-Do lists for myself. (Yes, I'm a hypocrite like everyone else!)

I hope I survive with my place in Miami until December, when Cristina might be moving in. She's definitely better at keeping things organized. I can't count how many times I went to her house and watched her clean her room, top to bottom.

Mommy

There was a time when I avoided talking with my mom. Why? First, it felt just down right awkward to me. Second, I felt like I could never relax because it seemed like I always had to be careful about what I said and how I said it. So I avoided her; I didn't look forward to talking to her. I guess it may seem shameful coming from her very own daughter -- but that's just how it was... how I felt.

I won't say were chums or buddies. But I've finally gotten myself into a regular routine where I chat with my mom almost everyday. Online, of course. See, I figured out how to make myself feel comfortable: just act as friends. You know, the friend with whom you have casual conversation, light stuff. And if it ever gets into serious mode just shrug it off and act cool.

Don't get me wrong. I love my mom a lot! And I even miss her once in a while. But with the separation that occurred many years ago and my mom going her own way (a long way away across the globe) it's like gravity -- you drift apart if you do nothing about it. And for quite a while I didn't. But I've gotten over most of my bitter feelings and all that's left really is the annoyance when your mom still thinks you're a child. That will go away in time, maybe... if I'm lucky.

So, summing up what I wanted to say in the end: I'm enjoying the chats with my mom, however casual they are (I actually prefer it that way, haha -_-;; it must be a teenager thing) and I am happy to see that it's cheering her up. Even my dad, who talks to her on the phone nearly every day (they still work together) noticed her cheerfulness boost. 

Next barrier left is opening myself up to her about deeper issues which I don't see doing for the time being.

I felt a pang of "I miss you" when she FINALLY sent me some pictures of her and Mo (my sister). I swear, she took forever. I started to wonder if she didn't want to show herself or something! 

Anyway, I look sooo different in those pictures! It feels so strange to look at me back then (It feels like such a transformation every time I look at pictures of myself that are a year or two old. In this case, these are from when I went to Germany.)

I can't think of a title

Listening to: "What I Do (feat. Plies)" - Chris Brown

I had the idea, that while at the festival in São Paulo, I'd make a record of each day, but ha ha! How naive of me! I always arrived exhausted at the hotel, only having the energy to take a shower and go to bed. So yeah... It was a nice festival, and I felt like it had ended too soon-- but I was also glad, in a way, knowing I could rest a bit more. Despite all the devotees I didn't know, I was able to see a few familiar faces. I could have sworn there was this one guy who I've seen at Badger before. During the festival, I got diksha.

AAH! Mosquitos are eating me alive! Or they're trying too...

Um, I got to visit a friend in SP after the festival, Cristina. Her boyfriend was there too, but for some reason I didn't mind at all. Don't get me wrong, I like him, but there was a phase of mine where I couldn't stand them being together all the time. I barely had any time with her. But that chapter has passed.

My dad and I are starting to make plans for the move to Recife (yet another city!) that'll happen in a few months. And then we plan to go to Miami in June or July. I've been trying to find an apartment in the Kendall area that's close by the campus I'll be going to, but prices are high. Darn suburbs! >;3

Since I never seem to post any of my designs ( I am so stingy ) and since the day that I shall actually use them like I planned will be way too much in the future (as in never, maybe?), there's no big harm, I guess. I lost my nice ones from my old computer though. (Lesson learned: Always make backups!)

Miss you!

I miss blogging. It seems a dream, thinking back at the time when I felt so fulfilled and light. And the mosquito bites are killing me! Did I mention it's been freezing lately? We actually have winter here in Salvador, but it wasn't cold last year. ;-; Why?!

Sorry for not mentioning that I'm planning to start college in August next year (2010-- the year of the future! no pun intended...)

My dad already has plans to be moving either at the end of this year or at the beginning of the next to another city. I'll most likely be going with him, seeing that I'll have quite a few months free after school. Can you believe my dad mentioned the possibility of my not passing this year? I don't want to think like that!

I mean, yeah, I'm not exactly doing good at school, I'm a bit terrible actually, but somehow I try to pretend everything's fine and normal-- like I can handle it and in some way I'll get through it, even if it isn't in flying colors. Seriously, I DON'T want to repeat a year. And yet my motivation to study still wavers. I'm having a hard time in organizing "time". It goes by way too fast, and I'm not the person that finishes things quickly. If I'm going to learn something, I take a excruciatingly slow pace. And this year my school has given me anything but extra time. Unless you want to sacrifice every hour you have available, which is what they suggest, directly or indirectly.

You know "Wham", right? I only have a few songs, but I can't seem to get tired of them. George Michael just has an awesome voice. I simply adore the song called "Everything She Wants".

Cristina, one of my best friends, decided to change schools last weekend. She had been wavering over the idea sometimes, during those times when you're sick of studying, sick of school, and well, tired of it all. Everybody has those moments. She said that she only stayed this long mostly because of me, which is credible, but I was still bugged about it anyway.

Yet now I think it's better. Cristina is a very competitive person. A person that has an obsession over being the best in things, like school. She would normally get much better grades, and I would always compare myself and unconsciously or not, put myself down. It would seem effortless to her sometimes, like as if it was easy. And it would discourage me. It's not her fault, but that's what would happen, or does happen. It's just my lack of confidence in myself.

So I'm hoping that her changing schools with get me moving better in a more positive manner. Aside from that, it's all up to me.

From the few times that I've talked to her on the phone this week, I've been itching to make her regret her decision. Not to say I want her back, but I know she misses the school, and she knows it-- there are a lot of great teachers, and of course some favorite ones, which I had the pleasure of mentioning one of them to her one of these days, just to tease her. And well, I guess I envy the fact that she can just change schools like that, (it's a school in her neighborhood that's far from the city which is where my school is).

I don't want to change schools, don't get me wrong. As childish as it may sound, it just bugs me that she just "gave up" or "quit" on it. I want to be able to tell her at the end of year that I stayed and I survived, unlike her, so to speak (I know, it sounds mean! ._.). I may not survive with the best grades, or in the most glorious way, but I sure better survive.

These are the kind of feelings you develop when you have a competitive friend like her. I love her to bits, but everybody gets tired of one another and mad at each other. And I've found myself irritable with her lately. I haven't expressed it, I just feel it. Like as if I'm containing myself not to pick a fight. And it hurts my pride to know that I want her to pay more attention to me, 'cause I know I pay much more attention to her, and her plans. But that's another story.

School ends in November. It's scary!! Only 3 months left. This month went by too fast! I'm trying not to think about it or else I start panicking.

Question: Would you go to your graduation party even if the people you wanted to be there wouldn't be there for the whole thing? My dad thinks the cost is expensive and I'm reluctant to go if Cristina is not going to be there as a graduate too. I know, I depend way too much on this girl! I keep telling myself in the back of my mind that I need a boyfriend someday, or else these friendships are going to drive me crazy. I need something else to drive me crazy, you see. I need someone else to cry over! (Yes I have cried over a friend... )

The graduation ceremony consists of two events. One is the formal part, with the teachers, students and parents and all that. The other half is a big party late at night with all the students and just the students. Which I don't even think I want to go to. So why should I pay for all that if I won't even go for the whole event? And I doubt my dad would wear a suit.

Still, I don't want to regret not going. So please help me decide, give opinions! I need to give my comfirmation soon if I'm going to participate or not.

Aaah, I need to get ready for bed and take a shower. Bummer. So I guess it's goodbye for today/tonight. Good night!
Hope you like the post.

I'm back I think

Listening to: Celia - Tom Grant

If you like listening to piano solos, listen to Tom Grant. His songs are so beautiful and smooth. You know when someone plays masterfully once you feel the tug of every note in your "heart".

Miami was fun.It was strange to be there after such a long time, though. I almost thought the place was too empty. I kept on thinking, where are all the people? Because I live in a city where there's always people out and about, especially on foot, which is a rarity in the US I guess.

Sadly I could not enjoy Miami as much as I wanted to. We went to do our shopping mostly, and occasionally we went to a restaurant, but a lot of it was expensive. I was raining a lot as well, but thankfully it was only for an hour or two. I also got to the visit the college I was interested in (Miami Dade College), and by doing so I ended up asking for papers for another college (World School of the Arts), which is a parter of the of the other college.

I'm going to have to do a 10-20 page portfolio, and send it in hopefully by October or November. Unfortunately there are only so many dates available, so I'm going to have to call in and make an "appointment", I think... There's also the general application form to send in as well. I still have to fill that up.

I'm trying to have myself draw something for the portfolio without thinking to much about how it turns out (the drawing). I guess I'm nervous because I'm not the most talented in all the areas, and now I wish I had more practice.

I'm really tired, and for some reason, I'm not in a very good mood right now. So I'm going to take a shower now and hope that I don't wake up from my dad coming back.

In need of a change-- of me.

It seems like I only have these bursts of "I need to write now" in the late hours of the night-- when I know I should be sleeping, but the energy is so high, especially after seeing a movie that left you inspired and happy, which in my case was "In the Land of Women." But that isn't what I'm going to talk about now.

What I want to talk about is what I have been avoiding, as in avoiding to write about. It's something very simple and basic, but I keep on leaving it for "later" and never do it, like many other things.

I need to write down what I want to change, what I want to improve, what I want to do, what I WANT, what I feel I NEED in order to take out this in-content feeling out of me, this feeling that I'm just letting my days go by, giving away all the chances I have for so many different experiences. The feeling that I'm not happy with myself.

I never really was, a 100%, or else I'd be one of those confident people and most likely wouldn't be going this this monologue so many times already-- but yeah-- so!

1) I want to stop hiding in my own little world. 'Stop being afraid of showing who I am. In other words, I want to be able to look straight at someone when I'm talking to them and not elsewhere.

2) I want to be able to come up to someone I've never talked to before, but I have been itching too for a while, and actually be able to have a conversation and to continue talking the next day.

3) I want to be able to make a friend that is "irrelevant" in relation to the group of friends that I have now and keep that friend in contact.

4) And as silly as this may sound, I want to be able to look at a guy who I may find attractive and be able look at him as a possible friend, a person to get to know, rather than a romantic prospect.

5) I want to be independent of my group of friends, casual or not.
6) I want to be, for a change, the person who invites someone/or a group out and not the one to be invited.
7) I want to be comfortable in my skin.
8) I want others to be comfortable around me.

Those are just some things I could think of. I know a lot of it has to do with self confidence issues and insecurity, but making a note of each goal is what my dad has suggested to me. It makes sense, too-- he said that by doing this, my brain will slowly but surely, come up with a solution, as it gets accustomed to the ideas.

Any suggestions are good for me, even if hard to hear. :)
Good night!

french-fries yummy

My moment of creativity is either now or never. I mean… I’m either going to post now or only a week later. That’s just my pattern lately. My pattern of thought, that is… since I haven’t posted in ages, actually.

Since I seem to always start with school—I’m not going to this time. Yes, I said the word, but the rest of that I can mention at the end, right? Right.

So. It’s nearly 11PM and I hope I can make myself wake up relatively early so that I can get a quick start at studying for my Geography test coming this Tuesday. I must get myself enthusiastic studying again. My grades went a little down hill these past few months. I think my last Geography test was my best grade in comparison to my other grades as of late.

I don’t understand why I manage to do so well on the Geography tests. Because even when I study for it all, when I’m reading the stuff in front of me, I barely understand half of it. I go like—“ Huh? What? Wait, I have to read that again.“ And so I read the same paragraph 3 times.

I like Geography. I just don’t like studying it. And once it gets into day-to-day politics I cringe. I know it’s good to know about the recent happenings, but it all gets so much more complicated for my wee little brain.

Yes, only I can call my brain “wee”. On my blog… If someone else called my brain small I’d be really annoyed. But that’s just me and my lack of knowing how to deal with criticism.

OK. I ended up talking about school first, in the end. My last few blog posts have obtained a style where I cannot deny my thoughts anymore. As hard as I try to not mention something, I mention it anyway. Maybe this is a sign I’m maturing? Or maybe I’m more relaxed here…

I barely ate anything today. I’m starting to feel a subtle heaviness in my eyes. Very subtle, but it’s there. Yet I will not go yet!

I have been not drawing much. …Just the regular doodle-faces-and-eyes-on-the-side-of-my-notebook-thing. I have not written anything. I also haven’t replied to Chai’s Maugre e-mail. OMG!

Oh yes. It’s been a month and maybe a week or two since I cut my hair. Real short. I love it. Short hair is just plain better for me.

‘Been going out a lot during the weekends. Last weekend I slept over at Marina’s place, after going to an anime convention with her, Cristina and friends. I was only able to buy three mangas. I didn’t have the courage to spend over R$20. I also only saw Ariel when he was already on his way off! This is the 2nd time this has happened to me.

And every time I always forget to say his name when I say hello. I just end up saying hello. Whereas Cristina has had the luck of saying hello to him, with his name attached, and in return, has received a smile as well. I want a smile too, darn it! It has happened already 2 times. Hopefully next time I can do something that’ll give me a smile as well…

You have no idea how adorable and gorgeous he looks when he smiles. With a normal expression, or in other words, a straight face, he looks a bit spacey, in a cute adorable way, but when he smiles, it’s beautiful. Of course I think like this because I’m stuck having a crush on him. Otherwise he ain’t that good-looking.

This is random, but have you ever gone skinny-dipping? Well, I have. Two weeks ago, in a freezing cold pool. I didn’t want to. But the girls dragged me into the pool and took away anything that covered me. At first I was frikkin’ embarrassed. Yet in the end, I had a lot of fun. Thank goodness no one else was home other than the maid.

This was at Ariel’s house, btw. Yes—he has a sister, you see. And she was the only one at home once her parents and her 3 bothers went out, and since she didn’t want us to go home—me, Cristina, Marina, Mariana, and herself made French-fries and chocolate, while some talked about the crazy stories or problems in their life. The French-fries were yummy.

I should go to bed. Nearly 11:30 PM.
I’ll talk more some other time! Tootles.

BEST NEWS EVER!!

One of my best friends, Cristina, is going to move to Salvador-- the very city I am living in-- in July!!! She's also gonna be here for a week starting this Saturday! HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!

Edit: May 14th '08 The funny thing is that I can't stop thinking about it ever since she talked to me about it-- the idea of it is making me happy but it's also making me nervous as well.

Just one more thing... (27th of Jan)

I forgot to mention this before, but our next door neighbor is an american!

Just this morning, though, after eating breakfast on the “porch” (that looks out to the yard), he overheard us talking as he was going out with his girlfriend—so before he left, he decided to take the chance and strike a conversation and introduce himself and his girlfriend. It was so cool!!

Not that I said much—mostly my dad was talking—but it was so cool! I miss americans, you see. So having one so close is so cool.

Ahem. His name is Tom, if my memory is correct—and his girlfriend (who is Brazilian) is Silvia. But I might just have to ask again next time.

Tom is teaches at an international school out of the city. He said he has lived here for 5 months so far, at the duplex next to us. We’re only staying for 2 months, though, until we find a permanent place… But he was all: “Neighbors for 2 months at least!” He said he’s from Wisconsin, and lived a bit in San Diego as well.

Sadly they were both wearing sunglasses. I don’t like it when people wear sunglasses while having a conversation with another person. It’s off putting to me, because it’s as if you can’t see their reaction, as if behind some mysterious mask—which is okay—but it makes me even more nervous than I already normally ‘am sometimes when talking to people.

Tom’s girlfriend even invited me along with them to go to the beach, but my dad and myself have some plans to go to do some errands… I felt bad saying no, but it would have been akward if I had went with them just now, either way.

Now that my giddy-ness has slightly weared off, I think I shall go play some KH: Chains of Memories. I’m in the land of Agrabah…and I will have to battle against the annoying Jafar. Aladdin was my favorite of all Disney tales—and it still has some sweet memories to me. ( I even own the movie “Aladdin & the 10,000 thieves” (or something like that.) on video cassete still, lol.)

This is another reason why Kingdom Hearts is so awesome. You get to almost re-live your childhood, if you happened to be a fan of Disney at the time. It’s so cute. <3 *has been acting like such a kid lately*

…Maybe I’ll have to go shopping already this morning. (Actually it’s nearly noon!) So.. yeah—I’m off!

I'm BACK.

--> Was written on the 26th of Jan, 10:30PM <---
I’m back, alive and well, but just a bit disoriented… my brain’s map may be out of whack for a bit. Yet here I am.

These past 2 weeks have been stressful. The 1st week was all packing, packing, and more packing, plus staying at a hotel for a few days, while finishing some final rental bills with the apartment. In other words, we were postponed for a few days. We wanted to travel on the 15th or 16th, but we only got out of the city of Fortaleza and on to the highway by noon, on the 18th, which means Friday.

It was a long drive. The first day wasn’t so bad, and actually it was kind of fun, despite the fact that my iPod Shuffle had no battery juice by the time we were on the road and the car was pretty stuffed with… well, stuff. We got at a hotel by the highway, around 6PM half way our route, and it was all find and dandy. The second day was a bit more tiring, and even though our goal was to arrive in Salvador at the latest 6PM the same day, by the time we were close by the biggest town from Salvador, my dad was getting impatient, stressed out, and moody. I was also a bit cranky—so we decided to stay in a hotel room there, and finally on Sunday, around 11:30AM we arrived in Salvador. Not necessarily in the main part of the city, but in the outskirts, so to speak.

It’s a beach town called Itapuã. There’s the beach, the highway lanes across the shore going to the main city, the town square, two mini malls, and then there’s the residential areas, and one fancy hotel. Just a bunch of expensive houses in little neighborhoods... Our place at the moment is a small duplex, situated in a closed development called “Pedra do Sal” (or so I think) and in that development there is of course, houses, yes, but also a small condominium where 10 duplexes are. We are in Mr. #9.

The neighborhood is very pretty, lots of plants and trees—plus the duplex next doors to ours is owner of tons of cats, plus one dog—and the funny thing is, is that on our first 2 days or so here, the cats literally came in the house a couple times to explore, if you just happened to leave any doors opens for them to get in. They’re darn curious, those guys. One time I was even watching a movie with my dad’s laptop with him, and all of a sudden my dad heaves a sigh, saying he thought he was seeing things when he saw one of the cats right next to the bed in his room—we were watching “A Beautiful Mind”. (Great movie btw!) …Sadly, so far I’ve only managed to pet one cat. It’s a bushy orange one, who seems to be the only one that’ll let me pet it—the other ones just shy away if you get too close.

Slowly but surely we have accomplished some things this week. In a matter of 2 or 3 days we got a phone line--- which was a pain in the rear to call for, just so you know, especially on a pay phone! We have ordered internet and cable TV a couple days ago as well, but it might just be a while till we get it. I’ll only have an answer on Monday.

On Wednesday, the moving company came here to drop off some boxes. They assumed they were to leave the whole darn load that came from Fortaleza, but we insisted it was a specific amount of boxes, with labels, and they just looked dumbstruck, saying nobody informed them of it (it figures)--- but anyway, it all worked out okay. They just had to go through the trouble of taking some things out of the truck to get some things we wanted out…

Did I mention that there’s a small yard and a mini pool? I went in there for the 1st time this morning, because it was too bloody hot today. Not to mention always since we got here.

Anyway, forgive me if I’m rambling a bit!

My room’s a mess, to say the least. Or maybe not—it’s simply a bit messy, untidy so to speak. Why? Because I’m too lazy to organize it and put things away and cleans closets and drawers, that’s why.. Which I know isn’t even an excuse, but nonetheless that’s the reason. I’ll get to it when I feel I can’t take it much longer, hehe.

Luckily, though, my room is quite bright, and has a window—not looking out on the street, sadly, but it looks out onto the back side of the house, which is okay, even if I just see a wall and a small part of the parking lot. It’s still a large window with some trees in view. My dad has a nicer bedroom in that sense, and has the view of the yard outside.

(Btw, I’ll have pictures soon.)

What else? Oh yes—it’s all very strange and surreal. Being here, that is. Having crossed 2 states by to get to another. Having come here where I basically know nobody… But I’m getting use to it.

…I’m not sure if I should be anxious or apprehensive to start a new school year. I think I’m feeling a bit of both.

Until today, I haven’t used my own computer, or truly any computer--except for one time in a LAN house for a couple minutes—so to occupy myself, I have discovered the joys of playing with my long ignored Gameboy Advance. I’ve been playing 2 games at the moment, one being Final Fantasy Tactics Advance and the other being Kingdom Hearts: Chains of Memories. The addiction to FFT had awoken again, but the constant missions get tiring after a while, so I switched to KH: CM since I can’t play KH on my PS2 right now… Might I add that I have truly become a KH addict? I always had a liking towards it, but ever since I played non-stop with my friend Cristina, I have become quite attached. Seeing that it’ll be a while till I have my PS2 functioning again, so that I could maybe complete the game 100%, so I could see the last bit I missed when I left Cristina’s place, I have decided I might as well start playing the next one—which is Chain of Memories, a pre-sequel to the actual Kingdom Hearts, or in other words, a small introduction to what is to come in Kingdom Hearts 2. Anyway, all I can say is I have made myself like it—KH: Chain of Memories, that is, ‘cause the battle system is not my favorite—yet since I really want more KH I must play it, and slowly but sure I’m getting use to the system of fighting, which is based on using cards and stuff. It’s sort of complicated and a bit of a pain—so yeah, I’m not very fond of it. But the pixel art is ADORABLE, just so you know! (Because it’s a MUST know kind of thing, ya see.) Not to mention the animated character’s head in the speech bubbles—so very animated and lovely. <3

Ahem. Yes—so I’m becoming a GAME BOY Advance fan once again. Hurray. It took long enough for my lazy bum to get back to it. :D

Aside from playing games, I also have been brainstorming ideas for my stories, or at least some of them, and ‘have realized that drawing different characters and possible scenes, or at least trying to—is good for such brainstorming—and when I can, I shall take pictures of the drawings, or scan them in so I can show them to you~.

It’s 11:08PM on my clock. I must go to bed. This post won’t actually be posted tonight (Sat. Jan 26th), I’m afraid. Hopefully tomorrow! But I hope you have had fun reading my jumbo post. I have discovered that I can focus better on typing up something when I’m not listening to music. Which is kind of sad, but oh well. v_v fllong awaited emoticon face! <3

…But just so you know (or maybe you are too bored and can’t help but read this last paragraph, lol), my favorite song right now is “One More Time” by Daft Punk. Pure sweet dance music. It was made to lift up your spirits. <3

‘Good night! ;9

A mouthful, haha.

My room is a mess. Books are not only spread on the desk, but also on the floor. Clothes are all over my closet (also on the floor). Nothing is organized. Not even my bed is made!

I have to catch up on my studies (including japanese classes). I have to study for up coming tests this week, plus do homework, and hopefully manage to do a written essay about something in Japan... 'Be ready to talk about it tomorrow and even (or better yet: still) study the test coming this wednesday which btw I have not studied for at all (I have not even memorized anything..)

Plus I have to somewhow catch up and learn the rest of my dance steps for the dance festival which just so happens to be this coming Sunday! And did I mention I miss 2 rehearsals? Why..?

Because my dad convinced me to skip 2 classes (aka 2 days of school-- 'though Friday was a holiday. 2 days=Wed + Thurs.) to go on a trip to Salvador! And I do not blame him. I don't regret going completely because in the end, I did agree and did enjoy it. Yes I did. T'was very fun indeed. (But that's another topic all together..)

Yet now I'm totally disoriented... which really sucks to say the least.

...Now my right foot is falling a sleep. Alas, 'tis the stressful (it's all relative, people!) life of a student striving to survive to survive this jungle we call... well, school!

And as you read this seemingly frantic message, you may think: Poor girl, so terribly stressed!

But I am not stressed! I am merely excited. Yes, excited. Excited that so many things are possible and so many things may await! Things that must be conquered, accomplished, created, finished, blossomed...

No, I am not in love.

I just think that despite all the things, responsabilities I may have coming back from this trip, I feel strangely inspired and energetic, because of it.

Like when you feel a rush after drinking coffee. Only I don't like coffee. I just like the smell. Hmmm~ <3 It smells good.

I also feel extremely pleased to be able to finally not lose this kind of train of thought.
So yes.

RECAP of the past few weeks since I have been absent online is:
• The week before last week (aka the week before my trip), I experienced the fair I was talking about earlier. Or at least I meant to talk about it. But as you will find out now, if not before, that project that I had to do made living hell for me (at some times, that is), and I am more than relieved to have it done. More reasons as to why such hell was brought up shall be spoken of in another post/topic as well. (Although I had fun in the end, don't get me wrong~) Anyway! That week was also a bit crazy, as in one of those 2 days of the fair I was bored out of my skull... Or almost! As to why, that shall also be explained later, which much eye-candy to show off.

• Me and my dad's trip to Salvador was great. No doubt it's a beautiful city but like every big city, it's a bit crazy. Don't trust the first signs you see, sometimes. You might just make the wrong turn and get screwed for the next 15 or 5 minutes in traffic (especially in the evening.) All the wonderfulness of Salvador shall be seen and spoken of in another post.

• And yeah. That's the most resumed recap I can do since my last post.

But I can say that yesterday I arrived in the airport, back in Fortaleza around 7:30 PM. Or maybe almost 8:00 PM. 'Also nearly had a heart attack (me + me dad) because we though we had missed the flight back home. We finally run to the departure gate (which had no one in sight), only to tell us that the flight would be delayed a couple minutes due to another plane landing before them, so they had to search for our plane to land or something. Because of all that stress, I even managed to forget the water bottles at the security check up thingy... (Darn those security check-ups, I tell you!)

Today, though, I went to school like a good citizen, but in fear that my math teacher would discover I didn't do any of is excercises, nor had I brought my original math notebook... I was planning to say I forgot it all (my notebook that is), but thank goodness he didn't even bother demanding it today. I need to by Friday though.

Also today I filled out a form (I always seem to get nervous when I have to fill out forms, lol) so I can start voting at my current school building starting next year, instead of somewhere else. Voting, you say? Yes, in Brazil voting is obligatory once you're 17. At 16 it's still optional though. I wish it wasn't mandatory... like in the US.

So I think that sums up about what I have been up to.. Btw, I have 2 sort of recent posts on my writing blog to whoever is interested. :D

P.S. I wrote all this on darn paper, in capitalized letters, and now I just typed it all up... It's like writing it 2 times. Phew. x_x

1st day at AB.

I was expecting something a bit more extreme, I'll admit it. I was really nervous the day before, as it suddenly dawned that Monday would be my starting day of school-- at Espaço Aberto-- new school, new people, new teachers, new teaching method, etc.

I thought nobody really wouldn't talk to me, as I found my classroom on the second floor, 1B, and found a seat not too far in the back and not too far in the front. Boys joked and girls screamed hysterically as all former 8th grade students reunited and greeted eachother. Finally, the teacher arrived, A.K.A my new Portuguese Grammer teacher and she gave a basic FYI about what we were going to learn and review this year. She seemed nice n' cheerful.

The next class after that was Math, who, from what I could see, was the type of guy who takes things pretty seriously and doesn't tolerate much goofing off. He was all-- "Look guys, I am picky, to those who don't already know me." What could that possibly mean? It's daunting--especially for me who basically sucks at math! He also did not pity us when it came to giving out exercises and homework on the first day of class. He went right to it; I wrote 9 pages worth of algebric expressions he wrote on the board. And when he gave us one of our last exercises to do-- he went: "Trust me, guys, I am going slow today." And all I could think of was... if this is "slow" what is it like when he's fast? I don't want to have to find out.

The last teacher we got to know today was our Biology teacher. He, well, least to say, was really cool. A young guy in his early twenty's, maybe, since he said he had a fiancé-- he was not shy at all. Not to mention really funny and great at cracking jokes! He said: "I'm sorry, guys, for talking so much. I'm just kind of crazy, you know? I didn't take my medication today." He also said that he believes in the whole thing with having friendships with his students-- and if you ever needed to talk to him, either in class or out, he'd be totally open to it. Which was nice. All I know for sure is that he really made me laugh. And I can't help but like people who make me laugh!

Unfortunately, since our Biology teacher confused the shifts, we ended up being stuck with 4 math classes in one day, whereas, the actual schedule was supposed to have been this:
-- Portuguese Grammer
-- Biology
-- Biology
-- Math
-- Math

Oh well. Thankfully next math class is only on Friday.
Next classes for tomorrow shall be:
1. Philosophy
2. Geography (2 classes)
3. Ethics
4. Chemistry
Sounds interesting enough, no?

Luckily for me, someone actually did talk to me. One girl from my class almost imediateley invited me to tag along with her and her other friends after the first class was over. She was the only one who actually attempted to have a conversation, though. Anybody else who said hello, well, just said that. Hello and "a pleasure". Which I know sounds old fashioned, but that's normal here. Anyway, she was nice. We'll see how it goes tomorrow...

From what I could estimate, there are were/are only 2 breaks-- both 10 minutes each, where you can go to the bathroom, or grab a snack at the snack bar.... or just try not to bump into the cowds, lol.

All in all, it wasn't so bad as I thought it'd be. It just sucked waiting for my dad to pick me up, that's all. What with the warm uniform in the hot sun and my backpack dangling on my shoulder. But it was me who was being stubborn and waiting outside in the sun, so whatever...

Oh, and they also explained the whole test system there. Which I prefer not to talk about now, 'cause it's just daunting. Let's just hope I survive tomorrow, ahem.

New Years Resolution 2007

Feeling: optimistic
Listening to: "Anything but Ordinary" - Avril Lavigne

As I looked upon the pretty fireworks doing their magical display in the night sky last night, I thinked to myself-- how can so much fit into such a thing as a year that goes by so fast? It's just wonderable. The good part is that I can say this year was very good. It could've been better, I could've made it better, but nonetheless-- it was good. I look upon it and look at many happy memories. I just hope this year will have its share too.

This year is a year of much change for me. My social life might completely change, studying will become stricter and possibly harder. I'll eventually adjust to a whole new enviroment that will be my morning life, my school life. That honestly scares me a little. But it also make me excited for something new. If that "new" shall be good or not, will be seen later, 'course.

Aside from that, I'll also be moving to another part in the city where I used to live a couple years ago, in a larger apartment than in the tiny flat-like apartment that we are living in now. I'm excited about that. I'm hoping to be able to paint my room! It would be nice, at least.

And with a new year, I will also grow older... Is that even something to look foward too?

I tried writing a New Years Resolution for 2006 last year and it was very vague. It had to do a lot with things I have yet to fix or get over-- like my insecurity and my lack of determination and motivation in the things I like to do. I wouldn't like to say I didn't fufill any on the list, but at least I haven't fufilled them to the fullest, like I would have wanted to.

I haven't thought very well what my resolutions of this year shall be. I guess they would stay slighty the same no matter what. But this time I want to be more specific. So here it is:

New Years Resolution 2007
1. Get out more. See the city, the beach, people.
2. If someone invites you to a party, don't say no. Try going.
3. Pick a sport or exercise and practice it till you're good at it.
4. Practice drawing more often. 1 or 2 times a day. Draw from a photo for reference until you're comfortable with it.
5. Be more social. Talk more to new people. Start a conversation.
6. Speak louder. Clearer. Try not to stutter!
7. Pick 3 to 2 stories max and stick with them until you finish them.
8. When out of home, relax too. Stop being so tense. Be yourself.
9. Stop being so terribly conscious of what others think.
10. Don't be shy to laugh and look stupid.

LIKE THAT, YA KNOW.

Life is like a book. And like every book, it has its chapters.
This year, there were many pages, but today, I came to the last one...

Today was the beginning and ending of many things. For example, today was end of my last school year in Waldorf Micael. The end of the days where I'd see everybody I knew in my school, the end of the daily jokes, pranks, and the laughter with those certain people. My teachers, my classmates, all those familiar people. Now I won't see my friends at my next school next year. I'll have to make a new start... and hopefully be better than before.

The day started out with a apresentation of a small play from the 7th grade. After that, they also sang a song directed to our music teacher, Israel. After that song, almost everybody was in tears. Not only did my music teacher cry, but the 7th grade girls cried and my friends cried. We then apresentated a poem by Rudolf Steiner, the founder of the philosophy of our school, and recited the last verse that we always do in the morning. After that verse, that's when I was in tears! Talk about drama.

After that, I didn't cry anymore. I felt better. We went along, had our last Geometry class, ate ice-cream (last day celebration, haha) and had our after class recess/break. That's when we grabbed our school uniform T-shirt, a marker, and made everybody sign it! We were also able to wear black to school for once. Why did we wear black? To mourn. To mourn our losses!

As you can see, I took many pictures.

After recess, we organized all the things we had in our classroom over the years, making sure if there was anything we wanted to take home. While that was happening, we also took group photos. Say cheese!

The last class we had that day, it was replaced with an event we do every end of the year. I guess you'd call it a tradition. Basically, everybody in the school gathers in one place and hold hands. And there's a order to it all; it starts from the kindergardern to the 8th grade-- that's us. So we went through the whole school, being dragged across it, around it, and finally stopping in the sport court. That's where Raimundo, our founder, who just happen's to be also our History teacher, said a small speech, where in the end we would thank whoever it was that gave us the wonderful space that was the school, since we won't ever be able to go back to it because the school is moving to a different location. With saying that, he said-- let us have 1 minute of aplause. And that's what we did! We clapped for one whole minute. :)

After that, it was all hanging around, more pictures, smiles, tears, scribbles on shirts, teacher-hunting, and much walking around the school, as slowely but surely, people went back home.

But despite the goodbyes, it all brings new beginnings. Beginning of a new school, new social life, new challenges, and a whole new chapter. Hopefully I can make it to be fun in the end as well as the beginning of it. And you know what's better? I can still share it with the people I care for.


















Brriiing it on, dude.