Words that express feeling

After reading the most recent post from Adam's blog (AKA Owl City), I feel so bad for being in a bad mood lately. You know when someone expresses something so well that you don't have to even experience it in the past to feel what that person or thing is expressing? OK, sorry, that was a mouthful.

What I mean is like when you listen to a good song, ok? Lyrics or not, if the artist is talented enough, they can create a connection with you and make you feel those emotions even if you've never done so in your life yet.

So the man behind Owl City happens to be very good with words and the subject was about saying good-bye to a loved one. Those sad good-byes that we all face at some point in a relationship. And he was so heartfelt and touching about it that GAAAH it just tugged at my heart and so I feel like a brat now for being all grumpy. Like, I could be dealing with more difficult things in life and yet I'm all actin' apathetic just because life is getting more demanding.

:(

Emotions

OK, so I've taken almost another month to post something again. I'm not going to really apologize -- I just either don't feel like delving into my own feelings and little problems that life is throwing at me OR I am too lazy to write about mundane things.

Even so, I feel like I have neglected this blog which still holds a sentimental place in my heart. Wow, what a thing to say about a blog-- a tiny space of the internet that populates my nonsensical ramblings.

I get short bursts of urges to blog when I'm sad mostly. At that moment, I am feeling a strong emotion that I want to express in words, but I am also too sad or embarrassed to express it.

Everybody cries. But for what felt like the longest time, I was bewildered by my own tears. It's easier to understand yourself when you cry for a particular reason, but once in a while I get the urge to cry for no reason at all. Sometimes it's just seconds, and sometimes I spend several moments. Sometimes the emotion is quick to disappear, but now and then it feels like several emotions consume me at once and they lead me to crying.

It's not like I'm actually depressed -- but nonetheless I felt for a while that I was a weirdo for getting these strange sparks of strong emotions out of the blue. Thankfully I had a talk with my dad a couple days ago about this and he was nice enough to reassure me that it isn't unusual to have these moments when growing up. He said that we are here to feel these emotions.

I thought these moments only tend to last till the end of puberty, but I guess I was wrong!

Do you ever have these moments?

GIGANTLY LATE UPDATE

Listening to: Kill the Light - Kitten
I am not dead... just in a different country at the moment. See, long story short: I'm in São Paulo right now, most likely to stay because finances don't let me continue college in Miami. Sure, I finished my 1st semester there fine, but what we thought would be not so impossible to achieve, turns out to be.

I started paying the out-of-state tuition, expecting that after a year of living there and such I'd be able to get the in-state requirements. But in the end it seems that the state of Florida, or maybe all colleges in general, make it nearly impossible for a person under 24 (considered an "dependent") to be "independent" and therefore eligible to residency for the in-state if you're parents cannot prove residency. Simple as that. Sure, there were other requirements as well that weren't impossible to get but extremely impractical and while trying to achieve such needs I'd be wasting another huge chunk of money for another year or so. That's even before I'd get the in-state tuition which would be more than half the cost of out-of-state.

ANYWAY that's just what the story was and the story now is that I'm here in São Paulo where I will most likely get a college degree here, either at an actual college, a specialized school, or a mix of a school here and an online college outside of Brazil. It all remains to be decided as to which, but most likely I'll be doing one of the first two here.

I may sound bitter and annoyed, but I'm ultimately happy to be back in Brazil. In the end, it feels more like home even though I'm not super familiar with São Paulo itself. Sure, it sucks to try something and not succeed completely, as far as studying in Miami, but it is what it is and it doesn't mean I won't go back there some time. I just can't right now based on the current circumstances.

I have a bunch of stuff at the apartment there, though. Possibly my dad will have to fly there eventually to get everything. Because initially I didn't come to SP to visit with staying in mind.

SOOOO YEAH. Been looking for short-term flats with my dad and stuff. There's not much else to say I suppose. That and I've been making a list of colleges and schools I'm interested in.

Also, I got tired of the JGL layout, even though it was so gorgeously 50's style. This girly purple thing is inspired by a manga called Strobe Edge, one I will review eventually, but rest assured I love it. IT IS SO FRIKKIN CUTE YOU HAVE NO IDEA! AND YET IT MANAGES TO BE SO DARN TOUCHING. Sorry, I had to use caps here.

Cleanin', PMS, responsibilities...

Listening to: "U Can't Touch This" - Glee Cast
Yes, Glee is addicting. When it first came out I didn't like it much. I thought the humor was strange and the story was too full of typical stereotypes and sometimes plain cheesy. But then I watched some more episodes with a bunch of friends who already liked the show, and of course it's contagious! I think it's simply one of those shows that people either love or hate and sometimes it's just a matter of growing on you. Which was my case. But I always liked Kurt even when I didn't like the show, though! Now I am once again hooked after the break they took and have been downloading episodes online, lol. I'm also loving even the cheesy parts of the show because it just makes me laugh. Besides I always loved music. And this show has made me like songs I normally wouldn't ever listen to.

Actually, I wasn't planning to start this post with a Glee introduction, but since some people may notice my choice of song, I dunno -- why not mention it? I am hooked on that song ever since ... well, what -- yesterday? I always liked the original song and to have the Glee dudes do it was really fun to watch and now I can't get enough of it. It's just the song to cheer me up and get you moving!

Which brings me to mention my recent PMS. For the last 2 or 3 days I've been all sour and no fun. Well, at least let's just say I've had no enthusiasm these past few days. Right now, at this very moment, I feel fine. But this morning and through the afternoon, I was all frowns and all I could think of was the things that were bothering me. Mostly responsibilities and basic self organization.

I'm not addressing a lot of things I should be -- studying, errands for my dad, getting rid of things at home, etc. And organization is something that is terribly lacking for me. I use to be such a neat freak when I was a kid, the kind that has a panic attack inside when someone starts moving something out of its "designated" place. But as I got into the teen phase, say... at 16? I'd say I lost my knack for organization at 16 or 17. And it's so sad, because I really do strive to be neat! I want to be neat. My nature is to be attracted to neat, clean environments. I mean, heck -- I'm an anti-germ freak, for sure. So being a neat-freak seems only natural. Alas, it remains a struggle for me to keep my things organized! Like I hate dust with a passion but I still let it accumulate on my desk.

...So I lament my flaws but get annoyed when my dad insists on me making To-Do lists for myself. (Yes, I'm a hypocrite like everyone else!)

I hope I survive with my place in Miami until December, when Cristina might be moving in. She's definitely better at keeping things organized. I can't count how many times I went to her house and watched her clean her room, top to bottom.

Mommy

There was a time when I avoided talking with my mom. Why? First, it felt just down right awkward to me. Second, I felt like I could never relax because it seemed like I always had to be careful about what I said and how I said it. So I avoided her; I didn't look forward to talking to her. I guess it may seem shameful coming from her very own daughter -- but that's just how it was... how I felt.

I won't say were chums or buddies. But I've finally gotten myself into a regular routine where I chat with my mom almost everyday. Online, of course. See, I figured out how to make myself feel comfortable: just act as friends. You know, the friend with whom you have casual conversation, light stuff. And if it ever gets into serious mode just shrug it off and act cool.

Don't get me wrong. I love my mom a lot! And I even miss her once in a while. But with the separation that occurred many years ago and my mom going her own way (a long way away across the globe) it's like gravity -- you drift apart if you do nothing about it. And for quite a while I didn't. But I've gotten over most of my bitter feelings and all that's left really is the annoyance when your mom still thinks you're a child. That will go away in time, maybe... if I'm lucky.

So, summing up what I wanted to say in the end: I'm enjoying the chats with my mom, however casual they are (I actually prefer it that way, haha -_-;; it must be a teenager thing) and I am happy to see that it's cheering her up. Even my dad, who talks to her on the phone nearly every day (they still work together) noticed her cheerfulness boost. 

Next barrier left is opening myself up to her about deeper issues which I don't see doing for the time being.

I felt a pang of "I miss you" when she FINALLY sent me some pictures of her and Mo (my sister). I swear, she took forever. I started to wonder if she didn't want to show herself or something! 

Anyway, I look sooo different in those pictures! It feels so strange to look at me back then (It feels like such a transformation every time I look at pictures of myself that are a year or two old. In this case, these are from when I went to Germany.)

It'll surprise you .o.

Listening to: "You're so Fine (Hey Mickey)" - B*Witched
Forgive me, guys, but this song never fails to cheer me up! And it makes you want to dance in a silly way. So kudos to Mickey! /o/


I have come to notice that ever since this new year has started, now that I'm out of school and doing different things (kind of), many good and unexpected things have happened! Even without doing anything, I find myself pleasantly surprised. Nothing extravagant has happened -- it's the little things that make you smile more.


• A very good and close friend of mine, Cristina, who is now living in São Paulo, is coming to visit, and is arriving, coincidentally, today. Despite it only being, say... a month since I've last seen her, I miss her tons and I can't wait to see her! 


• A couple of friends that I use to hang out with last year at school and the year before don't seem upset at all by the fact that I have been terrible in keeping in touch with them, and they still would like to see me! *o* 


• People like me, despite me being me. (OK, this one's stupid, but it still never ceases to surprise me!)


Just little trivial things like that!


P.S. If you're wondering what manga this is on the banner, it's Bakuman. Awesome stuff, READ IT!

I can't think of a title

Listening to: "What I Do (feat. Plies)" - Chris Brown

I had the idea, that while at the festival in São Paulo, I'd make a record of each day, but ha ha! How naive of me! I always arrived exhausted at the hotel, only having the energy to take a shower and go to bed. So yeah... It was a nice festival, and I felt like it had ended too soon-- but I was also glad, in a way, knowing I could rest a bit more. Despite all the devotees I didn't know, I was able to see a few familiar faces. I could have sworn there was this one guy who I've seen at Badger before. During the festival, I got diksha.

AAH! Mosquitos are eating me alive! Or they're trying too...

Um, I got to visit a friend in SP after the festival, Cristina. Her boyfriend was there too, but for some reason I didn't mind at all. Don't get me wrong, I like him, but there was a phase of mine where I couldn't stand them being together all the time. I barely had any time with her. But that chapter has passed.

My dad and I are starting to make plans for the move to Recife (yet another city!) that'll happen in a few months. And then we plan to go to Miami in June or July. I've been trying to find an apartment in the Kendall area that's close by the campus I'll be going to, but prices are high. Darn suburbs! >;3

Since I never seem to post any of my designs ( I am so stingy ) and since the day that I shall actually use them like I planned will be way too much in the future (as in never, maybe?), there's no big harm, I guess. I lost my nice ones from my old computer though. (Lesson learned: Always make backups!)

Bubble

I've been living in a bubble for the past week or two ever since I came back from traveling during the holidays. I mean, in a way I already have the tendancy to live in my own bubble already, but mostly in my mind. Now it feels really real since I haven't contacted any friends now that I'm back home-- in other words it's like I don't exist right now-- I'm merely floating around.

2010; I have to get use to saying that.
I'm trying to get rid of a cold I got from my dad-- see, that's what tends to happen when you take care of a sick person; you're bound to get it too! Not to say I wasn't super cautious... I'm that type of person that is close to fanatic about washing hands and things related, but I guess it wasn't enough! I probably was staying too many times in my dad's room, trying to keep him company.

I gotta go to bed. I feel like sleeping even though I slept for nearly 2 hours this afternoon as a "nap"!
See u later!

Kooky.

Listening to: "Outta My Head" - Ashlee Simpson

Okay, so I was little kooky that Sunday. But I'm fine now. I'm sane. Sort of. I still have a huge crush on him, I still think about him, and I've already looked at the 2 pictures I have of him more than 5 times already.

Thankfully my dad is a genius and managed to make me feel better about it, saying that I should just go for it and try and get to know him better anyways. Which is what some other of my friends told me, among others who said to just move on-- but my dad is just perfect with words, so he sounded more reassuring. He even understood me when I said I thought I saw two different personalities-- one at the party and one at the mall.

The one at the mall seemed normal, friendly, shy, and just plain adorable. The guy at the party was plain intimidating. And my dad managed to finish the "intimidating" part without me even saying it! It was then that I realized how nervous and nervous+scared I was about going up to him and even pondering the possibility of talking to him. I did eventually, which didn't work out as I hoped, but I'm over that part.

I seriously have never had such a big crush on someone. I have only seen him 3 times. You know what 3 times is?! Three times...!
...Can't wait to see him again though. But I'm afraid that once I do I'll be without words, haha.

I have already told this story to so many people that attempting to talk about it now seems out of the question at the moment. I only get annoyed and frustrated and stupidly ANNOYED with myself if I do. And yes this blog serves as a place to let out my feelings, but the atmosphere today just doesn't help.

I have a cold. It cloudy and cold. I still think the guy's gorgeous even after I find out now that he's at least not interested anymore and that he might just be a bit too spoiled and maybe a tad arrogant. But maybe I'm just thinking that because I feel that my ego was injured and well... it sucks to like a guy that's daddy little boy and plenty of girl are after him and he might have someone he likes and yeah.

Whatever.
So is life.

I'm just a silly 17 year-old mopping about crushes, those things I never really have. And IT SUCKS AT THE MOMENT.
I told myself and Cristina that I may try to at least be friends. But right now I don't feel like seeing him, even though he lives so close by-- up to the point where I didn't want to tag along with Marina and her boyfriend Yuki/Ozzy, to the beach to meet up with the gang, mostly because I'm sick.

She said she'd call me back when they left the beach. They probably already have. And I would like to hang out with her, but I'm reluctant and therefore I prefer not to call and see what's up.

Why do I have to be such a goof ball-drama queen in my blog when thing's aren't that great?
Anyway, I'm being immature, I know. But I am still sulky about it. I need something to distract myself. The problem is that I passed the last 2 weeks thinking constantly about the dude. And I still do. With some bitterness, at the moment, lol, but it'll pass. I am to be friends with him at least. I just have to get myself to gather the courage.

additional notes of that saturday

I forgot to mention that on the same day I was invited to his birthday. Without me realizing it HAHA. But yeah, I found out officially what the date was referring to on Monday. Which is the Saturday.

... Apprehensive and nervous is least I can say. I still haven't bought a present.

The story behind the whole "I only realized he was talking to me at the last moment" is a funny one, but I don't have the time to tell it now.

I gotta have lunch and then go to school. Taking a mini-school bus now. With a bunch of 6 and 7 years olds....

I can't deal with it very well just yet.

I can't stand these conversations. I mean, obviously I'm going to feel awkward if my mom calls me and starts crying a few minutes later, which will then make me cry. And then she starts asking me why I'm so odd with her-- claiming that she senses resentment from me.

How the hell am I supposed to act? I obviously try to act as calm as possible. And then she asks me if I'm alright-- like what's wrong-- when she noticed I'm crying. I say I'm FINE, darn it. Just fine. Can I not cry without someone insisting on getting a straight and immediate explanation? If she did anymore I'd only get worse and now I'm just annoyed.

My dad says not to make such a big deal about it. I'm just not going to think about it anymore today. I need to study for my upcoming tests. I also want to do something with my Shin tribute-- so yeah.

I am goin' now just to leave this little unexplained burst of frustration.
What's a blog for?

Disoriented? (I have moved to a new house as well!)

This window of my browser has been open since before yesterday. But I kept on putting it off. Posting on my blog, that is. But since I'm alone tonight, I guess I feel more at ease to type away.

To put it bluntly I feel silly for feeling the way I am feeling. I’m interested in one of Marina’s friends, even though I am aware that 2 other friends of hers may like me—or so she claims.

Not that there isn’t anything wrong with it. It’s just now that she knows I can already feel the pressure. She’s just trying to be helpful when she tells me “Sanji, he’s shy, so if you want to get to know him you gotta be with him and make conversation. “

I noticed he wasn’t the most talkative—but that doesn’t help. Like, if everything depends on my actions I feel like I’m doomed. This is going to take a long time to progress. Simple as that.

Besides I barely got to know him. I met him once, which was when I thought he was cute, then I hadn’t seen him ever since, ‘til today. That is after Adrianna spilled the beans to her in my place. I swear, she did it on her own behalf. I didn’t ask her to.

And I still think he’s soo cute! I was worried I got the wrong impression, which can be my “luck” sometimes when I see some guy from a distance or for the first time. The 1st impression may be refreshing and therefore pleasing, but I can be mistaken when seeing the person for a second time. Like where did I get that idea in my head? How disappointing.

But I was pleasantly surprised to see him today—at the mall with Marina, and Co. (her other friends etc) in addition to Cristina and her little sis being there. What I mean is that I wasn’t bringing my hopes up in to him coming, or him being able to see the movie with us—up to the point where I made an extra effort to get ready and do the whole foundation deal (I normally just use simple make-up) which I never use because I normally think it’s too much trouble and I was thinking to myself: And if I did all this for nothing and he isn’t there?

But he was there, so that was cool. I didn’t really talk to him directly so much--mostly in a group. I did ask him a couple questions here and there, mostly about what he mostly talked about--- which was school. (He’s in his last year of high school, so he has more pressure I guess ) He seems like a pretty normal guy, which I don’t really mind. I just think he’s adorable! Or at least looks so be so.

Anyway… Marina is so blunt. I accepted the offer of taking a ride with the 3 brothers (Bruno, Ilan and Ariel ) in order to hang around a bit longer. But Marina wanted us to stay longer. Several times they said they should leave, but she kept on insisting, up to the point where I only left with them around 9 PM.

But as I was saying… Marina wasn’t made to be indirect, or discreet. She tries—but she’s totally being blunt. She was trying to convince the brothers to stay longer, and in trying so she said: “Ariel, come on~ Stay longer. This way you can get to know other people.”

As she said other people, I was close by to her, and she used her hip to nudge me. And she did this with that huge smile of hers. I felt so goofy—she was being so obvious. She even tried to make sit on his lap. She was all: "Sit, sanji, sit!!" But I was all no way. That would be like a public confession!

She even told me that he’s interested. I was like—what?! What do you mean interested? Interested in what? I honestly wasn’t sure if I had heard her right. But then she got all incredulous and stomped away to the manga section in the bookstore that we were all in. I asked again, asking What do you mean? How?!—but somehow she didn’t give me a straight answer that I could understand. Or at least before I could insist on one she distracted me with something else. Darn it.

I have suspicions she might have said to make me bolder or something. I don’t know. *pouts * I always doubt things, that’s my problem. I rarely approach something with full certainty.

So basically, summarizing it all in a nutshell, I went out with Marina and friends to the movies (which btw wasn’t that good as I expected. It was quite boring. The only good thing was having Jude Law and Natalie Portman in it, plus an artistic filming style. But other than that the movie was a bloop) and afterwards we walked around, eventually sitting at one of the main verandas/balconies the mall has.

I swear, whenever I see Natalie Portman I HAVE to remember my sister. It’s scary. Oh, and the movie was “My Blueberry Nights.

Jude Law was gorgeous as always. <3

VENTING IS POINTLESS

I came here to vent out my frustration... I am still frustrated-- and annoyed. But I almost think there's no point in venting it all out in the first place, because I just get more annoyed about it. So never mind that.

And yeah!! This is what my blog is for, right? Yet there's no way I'm going to talk about it, because there's no point. I just get more annoyed about it as I think about it. After all, I'm the one who made my dad angry in the first place. I'm the one at fault.

But I apologized for being the butt-head. He called me geeky and square, and deep down, I admit to that. BUT STILL, why does he have to continue to give me what seems to be the cold shoulder? I'm aware that he isn't at his best today. Yet I can't get over the fact that this whole day nearly he has barely said a word to me. And that REALLY SUCKS when he's the only other person at home and I just so happen to love my dad very much. It sucks because I hate being ignored by him. It sucks because when he is not in a good mood, I feel intimidated to even say much to him.

You can argue that, yes, if I wanted to talk to him so much I could just come up with some way to start a conversation. But it isn't that easy. Seriously, sometimes my dad can be so scary.

All in all, I was just really annoyed when I was eating my soup in his room (because that's what we normally do when we eat together) and he was on his computer the whole time, with his back facing me, basically completely ignoring me. Yeah, I didn't say anything. But what can I say? I don't know what to say. I'm afraid that if I say anything the least bit cheerful or whatever, I'll simply get no real response, or no good response. Like you know when you start your convo with a question, and then the person answers and then you go "Oh, cool." or "I see,"--- then total silence. This is what I'm dealing with!

Which is fine, HEY-- I DESERVE IT I GUESS. Besides, he has every right to be in a bad mood if he wants to be. For all I know, he has worked hard enough to need a break. So yeah, fine. But it darn bugs the hell out of me anyway. Like, why am I never mad enough or entitled enough to be mad at my dad? (Not that I should want that... )

Okay, so that sounded really childish right now... Ignore that if you like.

Most of the time when I am annoyed with something my dad has said, I tend to shrug it off eventually because what he says ends up being true, so I have no real way to argue and well-- it ends up being pointless. Like, why bother bringing past things up again?

But now I'm REALLY annoyed. I may have no right to be, but I am. I probably should be the one comforting my dad, or trying to make him cheerful. But I don't think that's his problem. His problem today is with me, I think. He laughs about stuff he's read on the internet, but hasn't once smiled at me. WHICH IS FINE, heck, I don't care (liar).

GAAAH. I'm such a wuss. I can't stand it.

Mood swings

Listening to: “Wonderful Tonight” – Michael Bublé feat. Ivan Lins

Wow. Time flies, huh? It’s scary.

Where shall I start? Well, vacation is coming up. No, wait. Let me rephrase that:
“Vacation” starts on the 20th. It ends in less than a month.

Yeah, big deal, right? It’s better than nothing. But I’ll hopefully be moving into my official home during this time—so in other words it won’t be total relaxation.

Then again, since when is life relaxing? Just by doing nothing, it comes up with something. Something to get you worked up about or stressed out about or sad about.. or happy about. That’s life.

Lately I have had the pleasure of tasting those famous mood-swings teenagers are so known to have. Mine mostly seem to come during the night, before I go to bed. I start to feel mopey and miserable. But there have been times where I simply feel sad for no reason whatsoever-- all of a sudden, it comes without any warning.

And I all I want is a hug, a word of reassurance, a shoulder to cry on. But what’s the point of crying if there’s no reason to cry?

My life is a good one. Sure, there’s always room to improve, but I should have no real big reason to be complaining…

I’m not particulary saddy-feelining tonight, thankfully. But if I think too much on the subject, then I will become so. So--! Let’s change the subject!

Hmmm… I am SO glad this semester is ending. I’m also happy to say I’ve made many more friends at this school than in last year’s. The people here in Bahia (which is a different state all together) are much more warm and open, it seems. It makes things easier.

Anyway, I don’t feel like talking about much else. Or rather, I would if I could— and I can, but I shouldn’t—since it’s really late.
.. So good night then!

BEST NEWS EVER!!

One of my best friends, Cristina, is going to move to Salvador-- the very city I am living in-- in July!!! She's also gonna be here for a week starting this Saturday! HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!

Edit: May 14th '08 The funny thing is that I can't stop thinking about it ever since she talked to me about it-- the idea of it is making me happy but it's also making me nervous as well.

"Boom-I-am-not-gone!!"

I had decided that after watching Gattica with my dad, I’d continue studying the rest of Chemistry. But I really don’t want to. I mean, seriously. I have that feeling of distaste in my stomach right now, at just of the thought of it.

Then again, it’s not Chemistry’s fault. I have nothing against it. I just don’t feel like studying period. I want a break, you know? This studying every weekend for the tests on Tuesday gets tiring. So I’ll try my best to go to bed relativaly early tonight, and wake up around 6AM to get a fresh start and finish whatever that’s left.

Yes, that’s what I will do. A sigh of relief is due!

Now on to another subject. ”Gattica.” Great movie. I mean, come on—what movie isn’t great with Jude Law in it? My only complaint about the movie is that the very Jude, the very character he plays that I came to like so much, leaves far too quickly. Sure, there was a reason behind it and all—but still! Why do all my favorite characters have to go off somehow and go “boom-I-am-gone!”, just like that? Why? I wanted to have that feeling that they could exist a bit longer… It’s a very frustrating reality if otherwise so.

…In any case—watch the movie if you haven’t. Especially if you want a good story + the gorgeous bonus Jude Law. What could be better, really? (Yeah, I like Matthew McConaughey too. But Jude Law has some magic going on that’s a bit different.)

Anyhow, my day was fairly good. I got a pleasant surprise when I got a call from Cristina on my cellphone. We only talked for a couple minutes, but it was awesome nonetheless. I miss her lately. And all of my friends from Fortaleza. It’s amazing how much that phrase is true:

”Absence makes the heart fonder.”

I also managed to draw something different. See, I owe a drawing to my sister in Germany. Her birthday was in Febuarary and when I asked her what she wanted as a present, she said "a drawing from you." I mentioned the fact that it'll take a while to get there by mail, but she was all "Even so, I want the real thing. Even if it takes 3 months." Nearly three months have passed... But it's only because I can't seem to decide what to draw for her, and aside from that, I have been busy with school. So in a nutshell, I haven't a decent drawing for her yet. But I do have some drawing to show here, or on my other blog. Not now, but sometime when I get myself to post them.

But I can say that I do have some doodles I did on my tablet to show! I guess I'll post it here and possibly on my other blog too. So here it goes (mind you, some of these were done when I was desperately trying to entertain myself.)





This last drawing is a character of mine! Her name is cheesily "Silere." It means "silence" in Latin--since she's mute. This is the character that had originally jumped off a cliff (does it ring a bell, Chai?) This is one of her many thoughtful moments.

Oh, and would you do me the pleasure of checking out my domain?. It's not officially online and done, but I changed the "coming soon" sign, lol. I find it terribly cute. <3

In a bubble

My life, I could say… in a bubble, at the moment, is:
• School. So far, I have gotten good grades on most of my tests. Just today I found out I got a 10 on my History test. Which is wow in my opinion! I have never gotten a full ten before. O_O

• I miss my friends from Fortaleza—yet I have made some friends at my new school already, luckily. Maybe I’ll show some pictures soon, when I have one of everybody.

• ‘Still don’t have a fixed place. In other words, I’m still in the same little duplex/house… We’re still looking for a place.

• Studying in the afternoon is also quite crazy at times, I have to admit. Seriously. But I’ve gotten use to it I think.

… On other news? I have been mostly using my weekends to goof off reading comics when I can (Vampire Knight and Yakitate Japan!! Oh, and can’t forget Ouran!)—otherwise I’m studying for the weekly tests.

Grammar sucks, by the way. T_T

My History teacher rocks. He is SO hilarious. And I am not being sarcastic—serious—he is too funny. I nearly cry at every class of his.

I want to say that I have been working hard on my domain, and on my stories, but that would be a lie. A small lie, but a lie nonetheless. So let’s not be in denial here! I have been working on it—sort of. But not really. After the 1st two weeks of school, I haven’t really sat down to do anything on it.

So yeah, I suck when it comes to keeping up with my own little goals. It figures. v_v

As you can see I am in the mood for silly “faces”. ‘Dunno why. I’m going to make this end here—in 8 minutes it will be 11 o’clock and I have to wake up at 7AM at least, since I have P.E. (volleyball) tomorrow, which is in the morning. So until next time, this is all the info you get.

>__> Sorry…

What a movie.

If you haven't watched "Pearl Harbor", directed by Michael Bay, you must now. ASAP! I mean seriously-- it's a masterpiece. There's only so many movies that can move you so much, and this is one of them that even brought me to tears.

I'm BACK.

--> Was written on the 26th of Jan, 10:30PM <---
I’m back, alive and well, but just a bit disoriented… my brain’s map may be out of whack for a bit. Yet here I am.

These past 2 weeks have been stressful. The 1st week was all packing, packing, and more packing, plus staying at a hotel for a few days, while finishing some final rental bills with the apartment. In other words, we were postponed for a few days. We wanted to travel on the 15th or 16th, but we only got out of the city of Fortaleza and on to the highway by noon, on the 18th, which means Friday.

It was a long drive. The first day wasn’t so bad, and actually it was kind of fun, despite the fact that my iPod Shuffle had no battery juice by the time we were on the road and the car was pretty stuffed with… well, stuff. We got at a hotel by the highway, around 6PM half way our route, and it was all find and dandy. The second day was a bit more tiring, and even though our goal was to arrive in Salvador at the latest 6PM the same day, by the time we were close by the biggest town from Salvador, my dad was getting impatient, stressed out, and moody. I was also a bit cranky—so we decided to stay in a hotel room there, and finally on Sunday, around 11:30AM we arrived in Salvador. Not necessarily in the main part of the city, but in the outskirts, so to speak.

It’s a beach town called Itapuã. There’s the beach, the highway lanes across the shore going to the main city, the town square, two mini malls, and then there’s the residential areas, and one fancy hotel. Just a bunch of expensive houses in little neighborhoods... Our place at the moment is a small duplex, situated in a closed development called “Pedra do Sal” (or so I think) and in that development there is of course, houses, yes, but also a small condominium where 10 duplexes are. We are in Mr. #9.

The neighborhood is very pretty, lots of plants and trees—plus the duplex next doors to ours is owner of tons of cats, plus one dog—and the funny thing is, is that on our first 2 days or so here, the cats literally came in the house a couple times to explore, if you just happened to leave any doors opens for them to get in. They’re darn curious, those guys. One time I was even watching a movie with my dad’s laptop with him, and all of a sudden my dad heaves a sigh, saying he thought he was seeing things when he saw one of the cats right next to the bed in his room—we were watching “A Beautiful Mind”. (Great movie btw!) …Sadly, so far I’ve only managed to pet one cat. It’s a bushy orange one, who seems to be the only one that’ll let me pet it—the other ones just shy away if you get too close.

Slowly but surely we have accomplished some things this week. In a matter of 2 or 3 days we got a phone line--- which was a pain in the rear to call for, just so you know, especially on a pay phone! We have ordered internet and cable TV a couple days ago as well, but it might just be a while till we get it. I’ll only have an answer on Monday.

On Wednesday, the moving company came here to drop off some boxes. They assumed they were to leave the whole darn load that came from Fortaleza, but we insisted it was a specific amount of boxes, with labels, and they just looked dumbstruck, saying nobody informed them of it (it figures)--- but anyway, it all worked out okay. They just had to go through the trouble of taking some things out of the truck to get some things we wanted out…

Did I mention that there’s a small yard and a mini pool? I went in there for the 1st time this morning, because it was too bloody hot today. Not to mention always since we got here.

Anyway, forgive me if I’m rambling a bit!

My room’s a mess, to say the least. Or maybe not—it’s simply a bit messy, untidy so to speak. Why? Because I’m too lazy to organize it and put things away and cleans closets and drawers, that’s why.. Which I know isn’t even an excuse, but nonetheless that’s the reason. I’ll get to it when I feel I can’t take it much longer, hehe.

Luckily, though, my room is quite bright, and has a window—not looking out on the street, sadly, but it looks out onto the back side of the house, which is okay, even if I just see a wall and a small part of the parking lot. It’s still a large window with some trees in view. My dad has a nicer bedroom in that sense, and has the view of the yard outside.

(Btw, I’ll have pictures soon.)

What else? Oh yes—it’s all very strange and surreal. Being here, that is. Having crossed 2 states by to get to another. Having come here where I basically know nobody… But I’m getting use to it.

…I’m not sure if I should be anxious or apprehensive to start a new school year. I think I’m feeling a bit of both.

Until today, I haven’t used my own computer, or truly any computer--except for one time in a LAN house for a couple minutes—so to occupy myself, I have discovered the joys of playing with my long ignored Gameboy Advance. I’ve been playing 2 games at the moment, one being Final Fantasy Tactics Advance and the other being Kingdom Hearts: Chains of Memories. The addiction to FFT had awoken again, but the constant missions get tiring after a while, so I switched to KH: CM since I can’t play KH on my PS2 right now… Might I add that I have truly become a KH addict? I always had a liking towards it, but ever since I played non-stop with my friend Cristina, I have become quite attached. Seeing that it’ll be a while till I have my PS2 functioning again, so that I could maybe complete the game 100%, so I could see the last bit I missed when I left Cristina’s place, I have decided I might as well start playing the next one—which is Chain of Memories, a pre-sequel to the actual Kingdom Hearts, or in other words, a small introduction to what is to come in Kingdom Hearts 2. Anyway, all I can say is I have made myself like it—KH: Chain of Memories, that is, ‘cause the battle system is not my favorite—yet since I really want more KH I must play it, and slowly but sure I’m getting use to the system of fighting, which is based on using cards and stuff. It’s sort of complicated and a bit of a pain—so yeah, I’m not very fond of it. But the pixel art is ADORABLE, just so you know! (Because it’s a MUST know kind of thing, ya see.) Not to mention the animated character’s head in the speech bubbles—so very animated and lovely. <3

Ahem. Yes—so I’m becoming a GAME BOY Advance fan once again. Hurray. It took long enough for my lazy bum to get back to it. :D

Aside from playing games, I also have been brainstorming ideas for my stories, or at least some of them, and ‘have realized that drawing different characters and possible scenes, or at least trying to—is good for such brainstorming—and when I can, I shall take pictures of the drawings, or scan them in so I can show them to you~.

It’s 11:08PM on my clock. I must go to bed. This post won’t actually be posted tonight (Sat. Jan 26th), I’m afraid. Hopefully tomorrow! But I hope you have had fun reading my jumbo post. I have discovered that I can focus better on typing up something when I’m not listening to music. Which is kind of sad, but oh well. v_v fllong awaited emoticon face! <3

…But just so you know (or maybe you are too bored and can’t help but read this last paragraph, lol), my favorite song right now is “One More Time” by Daft Punk. Pure sweet dance music. It was made to lift up your spirits. <3

‘Good night! ;9