What I want to talk about is what I have been avoiding, as in avoiding to write about. It's something very simple and basic, but I keep on leaving it for "later" and never do it, like many other things.
I need to write down what I want to change, what I want to improve, what I want to do, what I WANT, what I feel I NEED in order to take out this in-content feeling out of me, this feeling that I'm just letting my days go by, giving away all the chances I have for so many different experiences. The feeling that I'm not happy with myself.
I never really was, a 100%, or else I'd be one of those confident people and most likely wouldn't be going this this monologue so many times already-- but yeah-- so!
1) I want to stop hiding in my own little world. 'Stop being afraid of showing who I am. In other words, I want to be able to look straight at someone when I'm talking to them and not elsewhere.
2) I want to be able to come up to someone I've never talked to before, but I have been itching too for a while, and actually be able to have a conversation and to continue talking the next day.
3) I want to be able to make a friend that is "irrelevant" in relation to the group of friends that I have now and keep that friend in contact.
4) And as silly as this may sound, I want to be able to look at a guy who I may find attractive and be able look at him as a possible friend, a person to get to know, rather than a romantic prospect.
5) I want to be independent of my group of friends, casual or not.
6) I want to be, for a change, the person who invites someone/or a group out and not the one to be invited.
7) I want to be comfortable in my skin.
8) I want others to be comfortable around me.
Those are just some things I could think of. I know a lot of it has to do with self confidence issues and insecurity, but making a note of each goal is what my dad has suggested to me. It makes sense, too-- he said that by doing this, my brain will slowly but surely, come up with a solution, as it gets accustomed to the ideas.
Any suggestions are good for me, even if hard to hear. :)
Good night!
1 said miss mademoiselle:
What an excellent list, an excellent goal, and great advice from your dad! I should do this sort of list, too. A lot of times, I have a giant list what I "should do" instead of just going out and doing it! So, I think I just might do a list like this, too.
I think you are very brave for putting this out here. Congrats! As far as tips, I have trouble with some of the same things you do, though perhaps not on the same level. I think it has taken me a long time to be comfortable with being in my own skin, and looking at people straight-on when talking to them.
The thing I can relate to most on your list is, the guy thing. I want to be able to take action in that department, too.
As far as tips, hmm...well, instead of keeping things inside, just say them! Just force your mouth open, and say hello. Or tap that person on the shoulder. Or raise your hand to make people look at you, and when they do, instead of wavering, just say it. I can't really give any tip for actually saying it, except that you have to do just shut up all the insecure thoughts and reeaaally force yourself to do it. It's all about your own willpower.
I am having trouble with talking to people about my grief, so I can relate to the not-talking thing, currently. I want to share more, so I feel less lonely. It is very hard, but is must be done. I've just got to do it. Grab yourself, within the moment when you are feeling, "I MUST say this," and force yourself to say/do the thing. I have found if I do that, instead of waiting until it is too late, then it works and the words just spill out of me.
Try it!
Please post more. I really miss hearing from you. Tell me how your progress goes on completing this list (and if you learn anything about how to talk to guys - do pass on the knowledge! ;D ).
Good luck!
*hugs* I believe in you (corny, but true).
Post a Comment