Miss you!

I miss blogging. It seems a dream, thinking back at the time when I felt so fulfilled and light. And the mosquito bites are killing me! Did I mention it's been freezing lately? We actually have winter here in Salvador, but it wasn't cold last year. ;-; Why?!

Sorry for not mentioning that I'm planning to start college in August next year (2010-- the year of the future! no pun intended...)

My dad already has plans to be moving either at the end of this year or at the beginning of the next to another city. I'll most likely be going with him, seeing that I'll have quite a few months free after school. Can you believe my dad mentioned the possibility of my not passing this year? I don't want to think like that!

I mean, yeah, I'm not exactly doing good at school, I'm a bit terrible actually, but somehow I try to pretend everything's fine and normal-- like I can handle it and in some way I'll get through it, even if it isn't in flying colors. Seriously, I DON'T want to repeat a year. And yet my motivation to study still wavers. I'm having a hard time in organizing "time". It goes by way too fast, and I'm not the person that finishes things quickly. If I'm going to learn something, I take a excruciatingly slow pace. And this year my school has given me anything but extra time. Unless you want to sacrifice every hour you have available, which is what they suggest, directly or indirectly.

You know "Wham", right? I only have a few songs, but I can't seem to get tired of them. George Michael just has an awesome voice. I simply adore the song called "Everything She Wants".

Cristina, one of my best friends, decided to change schools last weekend. She had been wavering over the idea sometimes, during those times when you're sick of studying, sick of school, and well, tired of it all. Everybody has those moments. She said that she only stayed this long mostly because of me, which is credible, but I was still bugged about it anyway.

Yet now I think it's better. Cristina is a very competitive person. A person that has an obsession over being the best in things, like school. She would normally get much better grades, and I would always compare myself and unconsciously or not, put myself down. It would seem effortless to her sometimes, like as if it was easy. And it would discourage me. It's not her fault, but that's what would happen, or does happen. It's just my lack of confidence in myself.

So I'm hoping that her changing schools with get me moving better in a more positive manner. Aside from that, it's all up to me.

From the few times that I've talked to her on the phone this week, I've been itching to make her regret her decision. Not to say I want her back, but I know she misses the school, and she knows it-- there are a lot of great teachers, and of course some favorite ones, which I had the pleasure of mentioning one of them to her one of these days, just to tease her. And well, I guess I envy the fact that she can just change schools like that, (it's a school in her neighborhood that's far from the city which is where my school is).

I don't want to change schools, don't get me wrong. As childish as it may sound, it just bugs me that she just "gave up" or "quit" on it. I want to be able to tell her at the end of year that I stayed and I survived, unlike her, so to speak (I know, it sounds mean! ._.). I may not survive with the best grades, or in the most glorious way, but I sure better survive.

These are the kind of feelings you develop when you have a competitive friend like her. I love her to bits, but everybody gets tired of one another and mad at each other. And I've found myself irritable with her lately. I haven't expressed it, I just feel it. Like as if I'm containing myself not to pick a fight. And it hurts my pride to know that I want her to pay more attention to me, 'cause I know I pay much more attention to her, and her plans. But that's another story.

School ends in November. It's scary!! Only 3 months left. This month went by too fast! I'm trying not to think about it or else I start panicking.

Question: Would you go to your graduation party even if the people you wanted to be there wouldn't be there for the whole thing? My dad thinks the cost is expensive and I'm reluctant to go if Cristina is not going to be there as a graduate too. I know, I depend way too much on this girl! I keep telling myself in the back of my mind that I need a boyfriend someday, or else these friendships are going to drive me crazy. I need something else to drive me crazy, you see. I need someone else to cry over! (Yes I have cried over a friend... )

The graduation ceremony consists of two events. One is the formal part, with the teachers, students and parents and all that. The other half is a big party late at night with all the students and just the students. Which I don't even think I want to go to. So why should I pay for all that if I won't even go for the whole event? And I doubt my dad would wear a suit.

Still, I don't want to regret not going. So please help me decide, give opinions! I need to give my comfirmation soon if I'm going to participate or not.

Aaah, I need to get ready for bed and take a shower. Bummer. So I guess it's goodbye for today/tonight. Good night!
Hope you like the post.