Monday, April 19, 2010

Mommy

There was a time when I avoided talking with my mom. Why? First, it felt just down right awkward to me. Second, I felt like I could never relax because it seemed like I always had to be careful about what I said and how I said it. So I avoided her; I didn't look forward to talking to her. I guess it may seem shameful coming from her very own daughter -- but that's just how it was... how I felt.

I won't say were chums or buddies. But I've finally gotten myself into a regular routine where I chat with my mom almost everyday. Online, of course. See, I figured out how to make myself feel comfortable: just act as friends. You know, the friend with whom you have casual conversation, light stuff. And if it ever gets into serious mode just shrug it off and act cool.

Don't get me wrong. I love my mom a lot! And I even miss her once in a while. But with the separation that occurred many years ago and my mom going her own way (a long way away across the globe) it's like gravity -- you drift apart if you do nothing about it. And for quite a while I didn't. But I've gotten over most of my bitter feelings and all that's left really is the annoyance when your mom still thinks you're a child. That will go away in time, maybe... if I'm lucky.

So, summing up what I wanted to say in the end: I'm enjoying the chats with my mom, however casual they are (I actually prefer it that way, haha -_-;; it must be a teenager thing) and I am happy to see that it's cheering her up. Even my dad, who talks to her on the phone nearly every day (they still work together) noticed her cheerfulness boost. 

Next barrier left is opening myself up to her about deeper issues which I don't see doing for the time being.

I felt a pang of "I miss you" when she FINALLY sent me some pictures of her and Mo (my sister). I swear, she took forever. I started to wonder if she didn't want to show herself or something! 

Anyway, I look sooo different in those pictures! It feels so strange to look at me back then (It feels like such a transformation every time I look at pictures of myself that are a year or two old. In this case, these are from when I went to Germany.)

2 said miss mademoiselle:

Cristina Eleuterio Alves said...

nhoww sam! Is cute that your finnaly working out your relationship with your mom! *feeling proud* I'm glad for you >.<
Love you blondie ;*

Rain-drop said...

Hey tsuu,

I really love seeing these pictures. They are really adorable. Is that you in the sunflower patch with your mom? wow you look different!

love the recent pic of you together, you look so sweet and affectionate the two of you together. Even if the convos are casual, you can see the love between you two in that pic.

I think it's totally cool to have casual convos. It sounds like you are on the way towards healing from your parents' separation; I mean, it will affect who you are and has, but you are going in a good positive direction now. That is wonderful!

don't worry, I'm sure on of these days you'll be ready to open up to your mom about all that deeper issue stuff. Don't force yourself when you're not ready.

I like this little personal post. =D I'm so glad that you and your family relatioinships are going well. That is so important.