I'm back I think

Listening to: Celia - Tom Grant

If you like listening to piano solos, listen to Tom Grant. His songs are so beautiful and smooth. You know when someone plays masterfully once you feel the tug of every note in your "heart".

Miami was fun.It was strange to be there after such a long time, though. I almost thought the place was too empty. I kept on thinking, where are all the people? Because I live in a city where there's always people out and about, especially on foot, which is a rarity in the US I guess.

Sadly I could not enjoy Miami as much as I wanted to. We went to do our shopping mostly, and occasionally we went to a restaurant, but a lot of it was expensive. I was raining a lot as well, but thankfully it was only for an hour or two. I also got to the visit the college I was interested in (Miami Dade College), and by doing so I ended up asking for papers for another college (World School of the Arts), which is a parter of the of the other college.

I'm going to have to do a 10-20 page portfolio, and send it in hopefully by October or November. Unfortunately there are only so many dates available, so I'm going to have to call in and make an "appointment", I think... There's also the general application form to send in as well. I still have to fill that up.

I'm trying to have myself draw something for the portfolio without thinking to much about how it turns out (the drawing). I guess I'm nervous because I'm not the most talented in all the areas, and now I wish I had more practice.

I'm really tired, and for some reason, I'm not in a very good mood right now. So I'm going to take a shower now and hope that I don't wake up from my dad coming back.

Last minutes of freedom

I'm using my last couple minutes of freedom to blog quickly. It feels so good to have a computer to myself! See, almost 2 months ago, (or was it just a month ago?) my laptop died on me, officially. And I lost all that was on it too... I'm trying not think about that.

So today, my dad was able to set up our old PC for me, for the time being. It's so strange to type on these big keypad. I'm more prone to typos on this thing.

This year of school has been crazy. Almost everything I never let myself do as a student, I've let happen this year. My grades have gone down to some pitiful numbers, and I've gotten envious any possible person that is having fun.

I'm slowly getting out of that phase. I'm starting ot get motivated gaain. It's just been a struggle this year, to find the drive and will. The years before weren't that hard to make motivation with.

I'm glad I still remember my blogger password, or else I'd be screwed here too. .-.

I have good news, though. Vacation is starting in only 3 more weeks! I have only 2 more weeks which include testes on Saturday, and then I'm off the hook for a few more weeks! Thank god.

I swear, though, that these 4 months went by really really really fast. I seem to say that every year, but this school made me so busy this time, it's not funny.

It's nearly 9:30 and I need to go to bed x-x I was especially tired today because yesterday I stayed up really late at a friend's party, despite the fact that the party sucked in my opinion. It was supposed to be a late b-day party. The music for half the time was lame, too noisy. And yeah, mostly noise. I also couldn't get myself to be comfortable, 'cause there were so many people I didn't know.

The guy's there sure knew how to dance, though. There were some good-looking ones, too. But the one I had my eyes on had a girlfriend with him and he was plain scary anyway. You know how beauty can be intimidating. I say the more good-looking they are, the more scary it is to approach them. That's why cute is sometimes better.

I want to write, but I haven't had time. I'm thinking of writing a short story. Any suggestions on what? Give me theme!

what title should I put? ?_?;

I felt so inspired to study today. I did start a little later than I should have, and I had big hopes to be able to study Chemistry and a little bit of Biology, but I didn't even manage to study all of Chemistry. I'm just too slow...

I'm not going to let myself get stressed out yet, though. That has been my strategy lately-- no stress! Stress leads you to ruin, at times. Or panicking.

I'm a hard working student at some times, but lazy in comparison to some others. Daddy-o says I should not just focus on studying. And he's right! But I have such a hard time on trying to do my best on school while focusing on other things. In that sense I'm not a good multi-tasker.

Yeck, why do I always start with school t-t As if it it'll be so important to me in the next couple years, right? But I have this complex that tells me I need to prove myself capable. Me dad only wants me to pass, and so do I, but I want to pass with good grades, with great grades. Not just okay grades. ~_~

Nya, whatever. I have to figure out a balance somehow. I need to keep school out of this blog somehow. It eats up all my posts and takes out all the quirkiness.

Speaking of quirkiness-- check out a band called The Boy Least Likely To. They are very cool and sweet and odd! Sadly I haven;t been able to find all the songs I wanted for download. Go to their website.

One recommendation is "Every Goliath Has Its David". A lot of their songs are so happy and cute. Some songs can get their dark side too, though. But seriously, take a look! Another song that's great as well, and more easy to find, is "Be Gentle with Me". And well-- the others ones are awesome too! -->(Balloon On A Broken String!) Too bad they don't have all the songs of their new album on the site. ;o One reviewer said that if your plushies and teddybears started a band, these would be the songs they'd be singing. XD

Oh and of course they are British. Good ol' brits make good music, interesting and creative stuff-- let's admit it!


Ramble-y post. Not what I wanted. And it's 9PM AHHHH!!! ToT I have to be ready by 9:30 for bed.
I sound like such a kid here, lol.

In need of a change-- of me.

It seems like I only have these bursts of "I need to write now" in the late hours of the night-- when I know I should be sleeping, but the energy is so high, especially after seeing a movie that left you inspired and happy, which in my case was "In the Land of Women." But that isn't what I'm going to talk about now.

What I want to talk about is what I have been avoiding, as in avoiding to write about. It's something very simple and basic, but I keep on leaving it for "later" and never do it, like many other things.

I need to write down what I want to change, what I want to improve, what I want to do, what I WANT, what I feel I NEED in order to take out this in-content feeling out of me, this feeling that I'm just letting my days go by, giving away all the chances I have for so many different experiences. The feeling that I'm not happy with myself.

I never really was, a 100%, or else I'd be one of those confident people and most likely wouldn't be going this this monologue so many times already-- but yeah-- so!

1) I want to stop hiding in my own little world. 'Stop being afraid of showing who I am. In other words, I want to be able to look straight at someone when I'm talking to them and not elsewhere.

2) I want to be able to come up to someone I've never talked to before, but I have been itching too for a while, and actually be able to have a conversation and to continue talking the next day.

3) I want to be able to make a friend that is "irrelevant" in relation to the group of friends that I have now and keep that friend in contact.

4) And as silly as this may sound, I want to be able to look at a guy who I may find attractive and be able look at him as a possible friend, a person to get to know, rather than a romantic prospect.

5) I want to be independent of my group of friends, casual or not.
6) I want to be, for a change, the person who invites someone/or a group out and not the one to be invited.
7) I want to be comfortable in my skin.
8) I want others to be comfortable around me.

Those are just some things I could think of. I know a lot of it has to do with self confidence issues and insecurity, but making a note of each goal is what my dad has suggested to me. It makes sense, too-- he said that by doing this, my brain will slowly but surely, come up with a solution, as it gets accustomed to the ideas.

Any suggestions are good for me, even if hard to hear. :)
Good night!

Berlin-o

I'm currently staying with my mom in Berlin, Germany for two weeks. I flew ALONE and it was scary. But now I'm here dealing with the cold weather and hanging out with me Mom and soon with some of her friends and my sister. So if you're wondering what happened to me or why I don't comment or why I suck at keeping in touch with things, it's 'cause this trip has taken all my time, with planning and now I want to just spend time with my mom now.

Wish me luck. :D