My cake!

 

Yes I actually made this!  The white covering is whip cream made from the pack - the semi made from scratch kind -- where you add the powder from the box and mix in cold milk really fast with a whisk. I've tried this before and I failed terribly but this time for some reason I managed to get it right! Maybe my determination was greater, lol. Your arm really hurts when you're doing it, though. All in all I'm just so happy I managed to go about my wishes to have a cake for my birthday and actually be the one who made it without burning it! I made the cake the day before.

Cake and music .-.

Listening to: "Stardust" - Michael Bublé with Naturally 7

So I was looking up tour dates for either Michael Bublé or John Mayer since I thought: Hey, since I'll be in the US now, I should take advantage of the perks! These two guys are the only ones possibly capable of making me stand in a huge crowd for hours, I think. Yes, they are completely different but I love them!

Anyway, for the bazillion locations that there are on both websites they only have TWO CITIES in Florida. Seriously, that is so cruel! And then when I thought I found something close by -- Tampa, for a John Mayer concert -- it's for September and I'll be busy with college already.  AAAAH. No fair! ;3; The only other option was a MB concert in Jacksonville, which is like more than 5 hours drive from Miami, according to Google Maps -- plus it's in July, which is shortly after I arrive from Brazil -- so that's already a no-go.

But... there will be other times, years to come -- I guess. It still sucks though.

My birthday's tomorrow. I made a cake this afternoon-- a chocolate cake. And I didn't burn it!! I swear, the very few times I've tried making a cake, I've always managed to burn it. Sadly, when I was making the frosting, I used the wrong type of butter/margarine and instead of becoming creamy it became a mix between sugar, milk and curd-like butter... so that part didn't work out. BUT! There is always hope in getting whip cream tomorrow morning, or if not -- I have ice-cream in the freezer! Either way, what's most important is that the cake wasn't a disaster! At least as far as appearances go.

Cleanin', PMS, responsibilities...

Listening to: "U Can't Touch This" - Glee Cast
Yes, Glee is addicting. When it first came out I didn't like it much. I thought the humor was strange and the story was too full of typical stereotypes and sometimes plain cheesy. But then I watched some more episodes with a bunch of friends who already liked the show, and of course it's contagious! I think it's simply one of those shows that people either love or hate and sometimes it's just a matter of growing on you. Which was my case. But I always liked Kurt even when I didn't like the show, though! Now I am once again hooked after the break they took and have been downloading episodes online, lol. I'm also loving even the cheesy parts of the show because it just makes me laugh. Besides I always loved music. And this show has made me like songs I normally wouldn't ever listen to.

Actually, I wasn't planning to start this post with a Glee introduction, but since some people may notice my choice of song, I dunno -- why not mention it? I am hooked on that song ever since ... well, what -- yesterday? I always liked the original song and to have the Glee dudes do it was really fun to watch and now I can't get enough of it. It's just the song to cheer me up and get you moving!

Which brings me to mention my recent PMS. For the last 2 or 3 days I've been all sour and no fun. Well, at least let's just say I've had no enthusiasm these past few days. Right now, at this very moment, I feel fine. But this morning and through the afternoon, I was all frowns and all I could think of was the things that were bothering me. Mostly responsibilities and basic self organization.

I'm not addressing a lot of things I should be -- studying, errands for my dad, getting rid of things at home, etc. And organization is something that is terribly lacking for me. I use to be such a neat freak when I was a kid, the kind that has a panic attack inside when someone starts moving something out of its "designated" place. But as I got into the teen phase, say... at 16? I'd say I lost my knack for organization at 16 or 17. And it's so sad, because I really do strive to be neat! I want to be neat. My nature is to be attracted to neat, clean environments. I mean, heck -- I'm an anti-germ freak, for sure. So being a neat-freak seems only natural. Alas, it remains a struggle for me to keep my things organized! Like I hate dust with a passion but I still let it accumulate on my desk.

...So I lament my flaws but get annoyed when my dad insists on me making To-Do lists for myself. (Yes, I'm a hypocrite like everyone else!)

I hope I survive with my place in Miami until December, when Cristina might be moving in. She's definitely better at keeping things organized. I can't count how many times I went to her house and watched her clean her room, top to bottom.

Writing dilema

 I just had an epiphany. I was listening to a podcast that discussed writing and its different aspects, and one of the topics was "researching" and that's something I have always sucked at, so I listened. And they stated one of the most obvious things -- you have to read lots and lots. And then I thought: Damn, this is why I can't find the urge to write anymore! I haven't been reading anything! DUH.

I felt like hitting my hand on my forehead -- you know, the typical "of course! why didn't I think of that" gesture.

It's so obvious. But the book I have yet to finish is a book where well... I don't have the courage to finish. When I want to read it, it's nightime, and that's the worst time to read it because chances are I won't be able to relax and fall asleep after it. I guess you must pay the price for liking freaky suspense stories and Dean Koontz.

Mommy

There was a time when I avoided talking with my mom. Why? First, it felt just down right awkward to me. Second, I felt like I could never relax because it seemed like I always had to be careful about what I said and how I said it. So I avoided her; I didn't look forward to talking to her. I guess it may seem shameful coming from her very own daughter -- but that's just how it was... how I felt.

I won't say were chums or buddies. But I've finally gotten myself into a regular routine where I chat with my mom almost everyday. Online, of course. See, I figured out how to make myself feel comfortable: just act as friends. You know, the friend with whom you have casual conversation, light stuff. And if it ever gets into serious mode just shrug it off and act cool.

Don't get me wrong. I love my mom a lot! And I even miss her once in a while. But with the separation that occurred many years ago and my mom going her own way (a long way away across the globe) it's like gravity -- you drift apart if you do nothing about it. And for quite a while I didn't. But I've gotten over most of my bitter feelings and all that's left really is the annoyance when your mom still thinks you're a child. That will go away in time, maybe... if I'm lucky.

So, summing up what I wanted to say in the end: I'm enjoying the chats with my mom, however casual they are (I actually prefer it that way, haha -_-;; it must be a teenager thing) and I am happy to see that it's cheering her up. Even my dad, who talks to her on the phone nearly every day (they still work together) noticed her cheerfulness boost. 

Next barrier left is opening myself up to her about deeper issues which I don't see doing for the time being.

I felt a pang of "I miss you" when she FINALLY sent me some pictures of her and Mo (my sister). I swear, she took forever. I started to wonder if she didn't want to show herself or something! 

Anyway, I look sooo different in those pictures! It feels so strange to look at me back then (It feels like such a transformation every time I look at pictures of myself that are a year or two old. In this case, these are from when I went to Germany.)