I wanted my Japanese classes to be fun and productive and a nice learning process. I was aware that it would be a bit difficult, since pretty much every week or so we would have 3 hours of class after school (in other words I’d be at school till nearly 6PM) but still… I thought if I had the determination to learn it I could. And it’s not like I can’t by all means. But the time just isn’t enough… I thought I’d be able to deal with it, make the best of it, and still manage to work on my normal studies. I have so far. But now that the course has nearly ended and I only have from tomorrow and the next day, it’s just not enough. Plus I missed two classes.
It’s not the end of the world if I don’t get a certificate. Even if I don’t do very well on the test, I think I’m okay with it. I just wanted to say I learned somehing. Which I did, a little. But really, really? Not very much. Not a lot. It’s just sad.
Yet it’s okay. Because in the end, we do what we do, we get the results most of the time, according to our commitment and dedication and hard work, it goes well (most of the time), and sometimes it just doesn’t work out. It happens. I think that if I gave up on those last 2 classes just because I may see no real decent chance of ending very well, I’d really regret it later. So I think that despite the fact that I may not be doing that great, I at least have gone through most of the course, till the end.
I can always study later. Learn in my own pace. At least I have notes. It's something. It's a foundation.
So if I arrive tomorrow in Japanese class, having to say that I don’t have the written essay or a apresentation done, it’ll be okay. My teacher will be dissapointed, I’ll be dissapointed, but that’s just how it goes—I didn’t do it ahead of time, so those are the consequences and I must accept that.
I’m not going to let something as benine as some japanese course I’ve wanted to do that may have not gone as exellently well as I wanted it to, get me all sulky. Not for very long, at least. It’s not worth it. By the way, I don’t know why I’m even bothering talking about this because its already 9:30PM and I should already be in bed, but heck, I for some reason feel like making this clear to myself… Sometimes I have to put it down in words to make myself sure of my decisions.
So anyway. That’s that. I’ll finish this course in flying colors or not, whatever it may be, I’ll be happy that I at least tried it. Maybe I didn’t try 100% like I should have, maybe I didn’t dedicate myself to it much…. But I went through most of it. I signed up for it. I went to the classes. Made notes. Payed attention most of the time.
At least I didn’t say no. I’m just happy I didn’t turn the offer down. It’s for these reasons and possabilities that I normally turn such a opportunity down, because I think it’ll be too challenging and too much work. But regardless, I’m happy I accepted it.
I think my sleepyness is making me weird. That must be why I feel like taking this so seriously, darn it. It’s just a course… a free one at that. But still. Sometiems the most simplest, most trivial things in our life can change us. Or maybe not. Anyway!
It’s fun to type. I could go on and on and on… But I have to go to sleep now. Tootles.
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10 years ago
1 said miss mademoiselle:
Hi, Tsuu (typed your real name but then retyped it, for safety reasons, just in case).
I can totally understand your sadness that the class isn't going with flying colors. You had an image in yourself of you doing better, and so when that image is not true, you get sad. Totally understandable.
But like you said, all you can do is make the most of it. Don't be too hard on yourself. You can only do what you can do, and sometimes that is not everything - like th epresentation, the essay, etc. Other things come up, and everything cannot be done. So all you can do is make the most of it.
I think your attitude about it is good. And don't be down on yourself for sulking - I think you have a good reason to be a bit sad; it makes sense.
But just think of it - at least you know some Japanese now, right? How cool is that? I wish I knew some Japanese!
So even though the course did not go as well as it oculd have, even if you only get a C or B or something, you did good. You tried your best, you did the most you could, and it all worked out. :)
Throwing yourself into your studied, well, can be a good or bad idea. Sometimes it is needed to revive your spirit so that you can chug towards a class end. But sometimes, it is good to balance studies with other stuff, and so, because of that necessity, every little detail for class doesn't get done, or accomplished with A-grade quality. That's ok though. Give yourself a break. It's better than being stressed out, and you did the best you could considering circumstances.
So don't feel bad. I'm sure you'll do fine! You're probably worrying too much. :)
Sorry I said "you did your best" so many times. But the phrase is true! It really works.
Hoping to see your comments on my blog some time....^_^
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