Kooky.

Listening to: "Outta My Head" - Ashlee Simpson

Okay, so I was little kooky that Sunday. But I'm fine now. I'm sane. Sort of. I still have a huge crush on him, I still think about him, and I've already looked at the 2 pictures I have of him more than 5 times already.

Thankfully my dad is a genius and managed to make me feel better about it, saying that I should just go for it and try and get to know him better anyways. Which is what some other of my friends told me, among others who said to just move on-- but my dad is just perfect with words, so he sounded more reassuring. He even understood me when I said I thought I saw two different personalities-- one at the party and one at the mall.

The one at the mall seemed normal, friendly, shy, and just plain adorable. The guy at the party was plain intimidating. And my dad managed to finish the "intimidating" part without me even saying it! It was then that I realized how nervous and nervous+scared I was about going up to him and even pondering the possibility of talking to him. I did eventually, which didn't work out as I hoped, but I'm over that part.

I seriously have never had such a big crush on someone. I have only seen him 3 times. You know what 3 times is?! Three times...!
...Can't wait to see him again though. But I'm afraid that once I do I'll be without words, haha.

I have already told this story to so many people that attempting to talk about it now seems out of the question at the moment. I only get annoyed and frustrated and stupidly ANNOYED with myself if I do. And yes this blog serves as a place to let out my feelings, but the atmosphere today just doesn't help.

I have a cold. It cloudy and cold. I still think the guy's gorgeous even after I find out now that he's at least not interested anymore and that he might just be a bit too spoiled and maybe a tad arrogant. But maybe I'm just thinking that because I feel that my ego was injured and well... it sucks to like a guy that's daddy little boy and plenty of girl are after him and he might have someone he likes and yeah.

Whatever.
So is life.

I'm just a silly 17 year-old mopping about crushes, those things I never really have. And IT SUCKS AT THE MOMENT.
I told myself and Cristina that I may try to at least be friends. But right now I don't feel like seeing him, even though he lives so close by-- up to the point where I didn't want to tag along with Marina and her boyfriend Yuki/Ozzy, to the beach to meet up with the gang, mostly because I'm sick.

She said she'd call me back when they left the beach. They probably already have. And I would like to hang out with her, but I'm reluctant and therefore I prefer not to call and see what's up.

Why do I have to be such a goof ball-drama queen in my blog when thing's aren't that great?
Anyway, I'm being immature, I know. But I am still sulky about it. I need something to distract myself. The problem is that I passed the last 2 weeks thinking constantly about the dude. And I still do. With some bitterness, at the moment, lol, but it'll pass. I am to be friends with him at least. I just have to get myself to gather the courage.

No sicky!!

I cannot get sick!!!111
Not now.
No.
PLEASE. .-.

Lol. I'm going to so laugh at this post later.

additional notes of that saturday

I forgot to mention that on the same day I was invited to his birthday. Without me realizing it HAHA. But yeah, I found out officially what the date was referring to on Monday. Which is the Saturday.

... Apprehensive and nervous is least I can say. I still haven't bought a present.

The story behind the whole "I only realized he was talking to me at the last moment" is a funny one, but I don't have the time to tell it now.

I gotta have lunch and then go to school. Taking a mini-school bus now. With a bunch of 6 and 7 years olds....

I can't deal with it very well just yet.

I can't stand these conversations. I mean, obviously I'm going to feel awkward if my mom calls me and starts crying a few minutes later, which will then make me cry. And then she starts asking me why I'm so odd with her-- claiming that she senses resentment from me.

How the hell am I supposed to act? I obviously try to act as calm as possible. And then she asks me if I'm alright-- like what's wrong-- when she noticed I'm crying. I say I'm FINE, darn it. Just fine. Can I not cry without someone insisting on getting a straight and immediate explanation? If she did anymore I'd only get worse and now I'm just annoyed.

My dad says not to make such a big deal about it. I'm just not going to think about it anymore today. I need to study for my upcoming tests. I also want to do something with my Shin tribute-- so yeah.

I am goin' now just to leave this little unexplained burst of frustration.
What's a blog for?