Anxiously waiting...

I feel strangely anxious and excited, as I wait for Cristina's call. Plans changed and I'm going to see her today, not tomorrow. Paula won't be able to come for now, but hopefully next week. My dad's out to get a massage at the beach, and I'm waiting, anxiously. I guess I'm just really excited and for whatever silly reason, a tad nervous. Or maybe I'm just excited. Yeah, that's all!

I packed my things in a rush, so maybe that's why I'm a bit nervous, being worried I may have not brought enough or that I might have forgotten something on the way-- or that something may go wrong. I'm just nervous.

Darn it, why do I have to be so nervous?~ I'm such a worry-wort. (Is that even how you say it?)
Anyway, I guess I'm going to watch an Indian movie I saw available on YouTube that's with Sharukh Kahn (like almost any Indian movie, lol)-- that'll probably cheer me up!

Btw, I'll most likely be gone for a couple days or so. So if I haven't appeared much, you know why.

Merry late Christmas!

Yay for Christmas, right? I did something a little different this Christmas. I had christmas dinner with a friend of mine, Paula, with her family, and since they had this funky custom that they actually stay up till midnight on Christmas eve, and then they say Merry Christmas, I ended up sleeping over-- even though I hadn't brought a thing in preparation. Among dinner and a icky lookin' turkey/chicken thing on the table (I was afraid some of it was going to fall in my plate!), there was also Secret Santa.

 I gave Paula and her brother some gifts-- Paula got a cool picture frame, where you use the magnets to stick the picture on the frame, only the magnets are speech bubbles, and it comes with an erasable marker, so you can write stuff on it. Arthur got a pillow case, only a funny one-- where one side was white with an angel ring on it, and the other side was red with little white horns sticking out, lol. He laughed and liked it, thankfully. 

I only went to bed at 5 AM. Or so Paula claims.. Crazy, I know! But for some reason I can't help but feel more awake at someone else's home-- especially if I'm excited, I guess.

My dad sadly had to work this holiday. So he stayed home. I kind of felt bad, but my dad claims he likes to be alone sometimes anyway.

P.S. The trip to Salvador was a success, as far as our main focus was concerned. I got enrolled to the school that I wanted-- the only thing I that'll be really different is that I won't be going to school in the morning, but in the afternoon, since the morning hours were all taken already. I think it'll be interesting. What's ironic is that I'll be going to school in the afternoon just when Paula and my other friends change to the morning shift! 

I didn't get any presents... yet. Or whatever. And that's totally fine with me. I use to really make it seem important to me, to get a Christmas present, or rather, I really liked it a lot. Who doesn't, obviously. But now it's not that important that I get a presentnow. I already got so many things this year, so I don't necessarily need anything more at this very moment. Not that I don't stop wanting things, but I can wait.

What I actually consider my Christmas present to be is something I got before it. I got it at a bookstore in Salvador, at one of the malls. It's Jane Austen's Pride & Prejudice. I love it, although there are times where there's some witty argument that expands to 2 pages and I end up not understanding the point of the argument anymore. But that's only happened once so far. Despite that, I love it, and it makes me realize how the 1995 movie version of the story sticked so terribly much to the original. not recommend is the newest version of it, that features Keira Knightley. As much as I like her as an actress, I do not like this movie. The way the characters are put is too theatrical and awkward. So yeah-- you get what I mean.

Anyway, my plans for New Years, I think-- is to visit Cristina in Paracuru with Paula. My dad said okay, but I'm not sure about Paula's mom, especially if she founds out we most likely will be going with Cris & Co. by travel bus back to her place. I think it'll be fun, hoping it'll all work out. If it does-- the date planned is the 28th, or in other words this Friday. I must make a list on what I'm promising to bring so I don't forget!

Anyway, I'm going to ... catch up on my current manga, Hana Yori Dango! *manga addict*

'Been a while...

And I missed you. You know... I missed blogging with you, blog.

What's new, right? Well, I can say the following:

• I've been working on cielo-sereno.ORG! It's coming along, but I haven't finished it yet. Btw, take a look at the cute "coming soon" sign, hehe. ;p

• My addiction to reading manga has become stronger as I have no anime to watch anymore.

• I'm going to be flying on Thursday to Salvador to get myself enrolled into a school and stuff. Will be back home on Saturday night and online on Sunday.
• Here's a tiny peak at what'll be at the C-S.ORG.

Other than that, well, I can't say much has happened. But I have been busy helping my dad with planning the move... Ever since I started getting back to working on cielo-sereno.org, I can't seem to stop playing with Photoshop. It's so much fun, I have nearly forgotten! <3

Anyway, this post may have been hopeless in the end, but I just didn't want to leave it at the I'm the Doppler Effect,however funny it may seem for any new comer.

I'll try to talk about something more interesting and substancial next time. Now I have to go to bed.

I'm the Doppler Effect, you idiots.

- the BIG BANG Theory <3

I LOVE THIS SHOW. XD

TAKOYAKIs NANA town

Listening to: "Wait A Minute" - Pussycat Dolls

I must mention this adorable game. It is a fan made, mini-flash pixel-like game based on the popular shoujo manga called NANA. For some wonderful reason, the site that made it, who also translates scans of the manga, decided to give us net surfers some fun as well. As I am a huge NANA fan, I squealed at the greatness of it all. The game is so cute!! Unfortunately there is the one last little mini game in it that I cannot complete. Buuah. It's one of those games where you have to find all of the items he asked for in the room, and I can't find the darn last one! /;o;/

Go the heart to check it out--> <3

Makin' it brief.

Unlike the past few nights, tonight I can honestly say I want to go to sleep early. So hopefully I can make this post short but still interesting.

Today, well-- I did my 2nd Japanese test. 'Something I never ended up mentioning before -- my teacher Clarice basically gave us this extra test for us students who did not pass on the original course as a second chance to attain the certificate. At first I was annoyed about it, because the original test that I did didn't turn out so great at all, so especially since Clarice told me at short notice about my grade on it, and that I didn't pass the average, I thought... "Jeez, there's no way I'll manage to learn all of it and do good on this test." But what do you know, right? I slacked on Wednesday, the day after I was informed, and studied only on Thursday and this morning yet I still managed to actually do loads better on this test. So let's just say I'm glad she forced us to do another one! :)

In other news, I am working on my cielo-sereno.ORG site! Sure, I admit I haven't worked a whole lot, and I haven't uploaded anything yet, but I have made a design for it and this time I will not wimp out and decide I don't like it anymore after working on putting it all into HTML. I will finish it before I move to Salvador-- that's my deadline.

Let's face it. I need to make deadline's for myself! I need to be more strict with myself if I ever want to achieve anything a tad bit challenging. And sometimes the most things we want are just of that nature. They look easy, but it takes dedication. And that is something I must conquer now. If not completely, but at least a little, for my own sake.

I never did mention how that party went, did I? Sorry about the delay. I should have written about when I was all still pumped up about it-- but time flies and I ended up putting it off.

Basically, putting it in a nutshell-- it was quite fun. No doubt the party was fancy and formal (I was wearing the most simple dress there), with even a reception by yours truly-- the birthday girl herself and her parents. Think gowns, suits, wine, lots of decorations, dinner tables, waiters, even a cocktail bar, and at midnight the birthday girl did a walk across this runway, in some sort of wedding-like gown, with a band of drummers behind her. Throughout the party a professional photographer took pictures. After the runway, the club/disco area was opened. Imagine sofas, lots of candy, two huge screens displaying the music video being played, and a DJ in the middle with a bunch of people dancing like there was no tomorrow. The boys from my class were extremely amusing, as there were times where they surrounded us in a circle and started to dance provocatively, or in other words, sexually harass us-- but in a joking way -- other than that, there was the part where I was being nearly dragged off the sofa because they wanted us to dance too. I never ended up really dancing though, 'cause by the time I finally got the courage to get up from the sofa, the songs weren't as great anymore. I only got home around 2:30 and went to sleep at 3 AM. o__o

I could speak of more, but like I said... I want to go to sleep early. So forgive me for being brief and not keeping you posted lately!

Fear teh addiction, my friends. <3

For Pete's sake, I must have eaten too much chocalate or something today 'cause I'm really giggly as I read my favorite shoujo manga... What's with that?! It's like I've become more addicted recently, especially since I have had more time now that I'm on vacation.

How hopeless, though. I mean, really-- what's more silly than staying up till nearly -- oh jeez-- 1AM reading Koukou Debut, that just so happens to be a very sweet shoujo manga I can't stop reading!! It's like coffee, but sweet!!

So yeah.. I'm starting to think that my giddy-ness at amusing/romantic situations is fun but kind of sad. Makes me kind of pitiful of my situation, haha. Oh well...

I'm going to regret staying up tomorrow. XD

It's sad, those cute little shoes.

Why is it that it’s been so darn hot lately? I’ve been sweating like anything today…

Anyway—I’m sorry for not keeping you posted. But I’ve finished my tests today! All I can say is that out of all the tests I’ve had this week, my favorite test was Chemistry, and the worst was Physics, hands down! All I can do now is wait for my results, which I’ll have next Wednesday.

As far as the birthday party I had spoke of before, I was too lazy to mention many details—but I was going to say it’s on the 24th. In other words, it’s tomorrow. I think I’m going to end up wearing my black dress, but I bought some Purdy white high-heels (but not too high so that I trip) and I might have to get my nails done tomorrow. I have to prove that I dressed accordingly, so basically I have to go all groomed and dressed up as possible… or at least as much as I will allow. Heh.

But I’m not worried about that. What’s funny is that people we’re asking around, aside from myself, if anybody has an invitation/ticket they’d want to give away because some managed to lose theirs. Like HELLO. Be smart and keep stuff like that in a drawer next time, okay?! A small card like that can get lost easily if you don’t put it an away safely.

Oh, and the party isn’t cultural at all, really I mean sure, I have yet to see how Raissa’s (the birthday girl) party is going to be like, but all I know is that these sweet 15 parties, especially when it’s for a girl, tend to be fancy. The guys will have to even wear suites, just to get an idea… Girls must wear dresses, high heels and what not. If there’s going to be a DJ and music, I don’t know. But I think so. Some people even rent a buffet.

So yeah. Just imagine one of those “Sweet 16” parties shown on MTV. If you’ve seen any, well obviously those are waay over the top. But some people also make it a big here, if they can.

So, yeah. ANYWAY. I don’t want to really talk about parties right now. It’s not important this very moment.

When I mentioned my possibility of moving out of Fortaleza, you might be wondering… where to, right? You’ll laugh when you hear this, but whatever. Salvador!!

I don’t want to move. But my dad does. I’ve already said this to myself a lot, and to many others, it seems. When I think of the goodbye’s I’ll have to make, it makes me so sad I’d like to cry, and I have a little. But I know that my dad is not happy here. Regardless I have no choice. I can’t convince anybody otherwise.

Yet just the thought of starting from point zero sounds terrifying. Do you know how long I’ve lived in this city? Nearly 4 years! It’s been a while since I’ve lived in one place for so long. And I’ve grown attached. Besides, just when I change schools and I finally might be developing new friendships and getting to know more people as I slowly open up myself to others, I have to go in the end.

It makes me sigh. It makes me frustrated. My dad says to look on the bright side, and he’s right. I’ll adapt to the new place, I’ll get use to it. I always have. It’ll be hard in the beginning. No doubt about that. But I’ll get over it.

Besides, it’s a bigger and more influential city; I’ll have more opportunities as far as studying is concerned. But still. I wanted an excuse to stay. Yet in the end, would I be happy at all? My dad is something inseparable, sometimes. So yeah—I can’t get away for him for now. So there’s no point.

What else?

Oh, the move might just interfere with I seeing my mom. Even if it didn’t, I think my Brazilian passport won’t be done by then. I’m a little relieved, honestly. I know it may sound mean… But I dunno. In one sense I’m also a tad disappointed, but I never had my hopes up very high in the first place, so it’s okay with me. I just hope my mom will be able to handle it.

There’s a possability that I might have not passed in Physics… I bombed the test despite the fact that I studied, man. Anyway, my Physics teacher’s tests are always screwy in my opinion. I was just hoping to do well on this one, or at least reasonabilly, since my teacher went to the lengnths of telling me how pleased he was of my great “evolution” which I worked my butt off for. There goes all that—down the hole. I feel bad for the guy.

Oh, and Chai! I want to apologize about my lack of comments on your blog and my lack of reply on Maugre. I still haven’t read it complety! I’m sorry~ xo I will definetely get to it this time, during these next couple days what with school over pretty much. So wait for me!

Hey, I also need to mention another thing. It’s nothing big but I’m happy about it. I’ve mangaed to make it a point to draw at least once every day. I didn’t draw today yet, but I’ll try to draw something before I go to bed, which will be most likely soon. Once I have a good amount, I’ll scan it in when I can! Maybe I’ll even make another blog for them, seeing that I don’t post anything of drawings on my other blog… Or better yet I should post my drawings, but make use of my domain/site that I’ve had for ages but never get to using it properly…

Anyway, I have to go t bed now. It’s past 10:30 PM. xo
(I was drawing for the past 20 minutes, hehe.)

Maybe that's just growing up for you.

I guess one of the reasons why I am not feelings as willing or determined about my tests despite my nervousness and all, is because I am not exactly that very anxious for the end of the year, even for vacation.

Normally I'd pretty much love it, but I think it's because I know so many things will change as this year ends, and a new one begins. Sure, it's a no-brainer, right? But yet... I am not sure I should be sad, happy, scared, or excited. I seem to be feeling all of those every time I think about the things that might go on.

For one thing, I know for sure we will have to move to a new apartment or whatever, since our current apartment has become too expensive.

Yet then my dad has also brought up the issue/possability of moving out of Fortaleza, and that's it's only a question of time and when.

I've also made it seem as if I want to visit my mom in Germany during vacation. Which I do, but her enthusiasm startled me and well, if I manage to (depending if my Brazilian passport can be renewed in time) go to see her, I am sort of aprehensive on what it could bring. It could be bad, or good, or simply both. My image and opinion of my mom has simply changed a lot in my eyes since the past couple years, and I feel worried to know that I've come to find it very difficult to truly trust my mom again. To open up to her again.

In other matters, there's also the sad fact that I will have to see Cristina off, moving all the way to U.S.A., Florida. (Yeah, crazy.) She may be going in the beginning of the year or in the middle of it. Regardless it'll be hard to see her go.

Other than that, I'm worried I'll waste my vacation somehow doing nothing. So hopefully I'll remember to make a nice big to-do list for myself.

For this past week or two I have been quite somber... Or at least I have never really realized so many emotions/opinions in such a short time. Maybe that's just growing up for you.

No title 'cause I can't think!

Listening to: "Simply Being Loved (Somnambulist)" - BT

I know I still owe a post about Salvador and my project/school fair, but that'll be later. News of today is that I recieved a fancy invitation to a 15th birthday party. Turning 15 here in Brazil is like turning 16 in the US. It's a big deal. So if people have the money, they make a whole thing about it and force people follow a formal dress code. I was complaing to my dad that I have nothing fancy except a V-cut, black cotton dress that goes to the knee. I was insistant that it probably would be too simple. My dad disagrees... But whatever. I just want to go-- I've never been to one of those parties. 'Only heard of them.

On other news, I'm studying for test week that's coming up after this weekend. I'm nervous and anxious, and I can't seem to concentrate very long or else I get frantic. So here I am. Blogging and reading NANA and feeling lame.

For no real good reason, I guess. I had a good day today. I went to class as usual, only you could barely consider it class since all we did was sit there and get our notebooks checked and what not. I also recieved a CD from Jessica (one of the girls in my class which I have been trying hard to be friends with) as a "last day of school" thing. I was so happy. But it was weird to think it was the last day of school. I had suddenly realized how much I had gotten used to the school and how much I am willing to continue next year.

I'm mostly feeling down 'cause I managed to miss the 2 days in which my last school's (the school I was in last year) 8th grade class was going to perform their play... and I really wanted to go-- but I just didn't plan. Yesterday I rememberd it was the first day to go, and I should have taken advantage of the fact that it was a holiday, but I only remembered by the time Jessica came over with me... so I couldn't cancel that, and in the end I didn't want to. I thought I had today. But I spaced it out and ended up getting distracted and well, my dad, I know, wasn't very into to taking me (he's had back pain for the past day or 2 for some reason) and well... my guilt only really kicked in when Paula calls me asking if I was going to come.

Anyway... what is, is done... Nothing you can do about it.
GAH. How can I be so childish in these times...? To get all mopey because of some play. But STILL, I was waiting for this darn it.. Why didn't I plan accordingly?! Time just creeps up on you, man. V_V (<-- remember this dude?)

A message for myself? (japanese classes...)

I wanted my Japanese classes to be fun and productive and a nice learning process. I was aware that it would be a bit difficult, since pretty much every week or so we would have 3 hours of class after school (in other words I’d be at school till nearly 6PM) but still… I thought if I had the determination to learn it I could. And it’s not like I can’t by all means. But the time just isn’t enough… I thought I’d be able to deal with it, make the best of it, and still manage to work on my normal studies. I have so far. But now that the course has nearly ended and I only have from tomorrow and the next day, it’s just not enough. Plus I missed two classes.

It’s not the end of the world if I don’t get a certificate. Even if I don’t do very well on the test, I think I’m okay with it. I just wanted to say I learned somehing. Which I did, a little. But really, really? Not very much. Not a lot. It’s just sad.

Yet it’s okay. Because in the end, we do what we do, we get the results most of the time, according to our commitment and dedication and hard work, it goes well (most of the time), and sometimes it just doesn’t work out. It happens. I think that if I gave up on those last 2 classes just because I may see no real decent chance of ending very well, I’d really regret it later. So I think that despite the fact that I may not be doing that great, I at least have gone through most of the course, till the end.

I can always study later. Learn in my own pace. At least I have notes. It's something. It's a foundation.

So if I arrive tomorrow in Japanese class, having to say that I don’t have the written essay or a apresentation done, it’ll be okay. My teacher will be dissapointed, I’ll be dissapointed, but that’s just how it goes—I didn’t do it ahead of time, so those are the consequences and I must accept that.

I’m not going to let something as benine as some japanese course I’ve wanted to do that may have not gone as exellently well as I wanted it to, get me all sulky. Not for very long, at least. It’s not worth it. By the way, I don’t know why I’m even bothering talking about this because its already 9:30PM and I should already be in bed, but heck, I for some reason feel like making this clear to myself… Sometimes I have to put it down in words to make myself sure of my decisions.

So anyway. That’s that. I’ll finish this course in flying colors or not, whatever it may be, I’ll be happy that I at least tried it. Maybe I didn’t try 100% like I should have, maybe I didn’t dedicate myself to it much…. But I went through most of it. I signed up for it. I went to the classes. Made notes. Payed attention most of the time.

At least I didn’t say no. I’m just happy I didn’t turn the offer down. It’s for these reasons and possabilities that I normally turn such a opportunity down, because I think it’ll be too challenging and too much work. But regardless, I’m happy I accepted it.

I think my sleepyness is making me weird. That must be why I feel like taking this so seriously, darn it. It’s just a course… a free one at that. But still. Sometiems the most simplest, most trivial things in our life can change us. Or maybe not. Anyway!

It’s fun to type. I could go on and on and on… But I have to go to sleep now. Tootles.

A mouthful, haha.

My room is a mess. Books are not only spread on the desk, but also on the floor. Clothes are all over my closet (also on the floor). Nothing is organized. Not even my bed is made!

I have to catch up on my studies (including japanese classes). I have to study for up coming tests this week, plus do homework, and hopefully manage to do a written essay about something in Japan... 'Be ready to talk about it tomorrow and even (or better yet: still) study the test coming this wednesday which btw I have not studied for at all (I have not even memorized anything..)

Plus I have to somewhow catch up and learn the rest of my dance steps for the dance festival which just so happens to be this coming Sunday! And did I mention I miss 2 rehearsals? Why..?

Because my dad convinced me to skip 2 classes (aka 2 days of school-- 'though Friday was a holiday. 2 days=Wed + Thurs.) to go on a trip to Salvador! And I do not blame him. I don't regret going completely because in the end, I did agree and did enjoy it. Yes I did. T'was very fun indeed. (But that's another topic all together..)

Yet now I'm totally disoriented... which really sucks to say the least.

...Now my right foot is falling a sleep. Alas, 'tis the stressful (it's all relative, people!) life of a student striving to survive to survive this jungle we call... well, school!

And as you read this seemingly frantic message, you may think: Poor girl, so terribly stressed!

But I am not stressed! I am merely excited. Yes, excited. Excited that so many things are possible and so many things may await! Things that must be conquered, accomplished, created, finished, blossomed...

No, I am not in love.

I just think that despite all the things, responsabilities I may have coming back from this trip, I feel strangely inspired and energetic, because of it.

Like when you feel a rush after drinking coffee. Only I don't like coffee. I just like the smell. Hmmm~ <3 It smells good.

I also feel extremely pleased to be able to finally not lose this kind of train of thought.
So yes.

RECAP of the past few weeks since I have been absent online is:
• The week before last week (aka the week before my trip), I experienced the fair I was talking about earlier. Or at least I meant to talk about it. But as you will find out now, if not before, that project that I had to do made living hell for me (at some times, that is), and I am more than relieved to have it done. More reasons as to why such hell was brought up shall be spoken of in another post/topic as well. (Although I had fun in the end, don't get me wrong~) Anyway! That week was also a bit crazy, as in one of those 2 days of the fair I was bored out of my skull... Or almost! As to why, that shall also be explained later, which much eye-candy to show off.

• Me and my dad's trip to Salvador was great. No doubt it's a beautiful city but like every big city, it's a bit crazy. Don't trust the first signs you see, sometimes. You might just make the wrong turn and get screwed for the next 15 or 5 minutes in traffic (especially in the evening.) All the wonderfulness of Salvador shall be seen and spoken of in another post.

• And yeah. That's the most resumed recap I can do since my last post.

But I can say that yesterday I arrived in the airport, back in Fortaleza around 7:30 PM. Or maybe almost 8:00 PM. 'Also nearly had a heart attack (me + me dad) because we though we had missed the flight back home. We finally run to the departure gate (which had no one in sight), only to tell us that the flight would be delayed a couple minutes due to another plane landing before them, so they had to search for our plane to land or something. Because of all that stress, I even managed to forget the water bottles at the security check up thingy... (Darn those security check-ups, I tell you!)

Today, though, I went to school like a good citizen, but in fear that my math teacher would discover I didn't do any of is excercises, nor had I brought my original math notebook... I was planning to say I forgot it all (my notebook that is), but thank goodness he didn't even bother demanding it today. I need to by Friday though.

Also today I filled out a form (I always seem to get nervous when I have to fill out forms, lol) so I can start voting at my current school building starting next year, instead of somewhere else. Voting, you say? Yes, in Brazil voting is obligatory once you're 17. At 16 it's still optional though. I wish it wasn't mandatory... like in the US.

So I think that sums up about what I have been up to.. Btw, I have 2 sort of recent posts on my writing blog to whoever is interested. :D

P.S. I wrote all this on darn paper, in capitalized letters, and now I just typed it all up... It's like writing it 2 times. Phew. x_x

Heavy-eyed

That is how I feel. Exhausted. I mean, come on! I just got home. At 6 PM...
I had to stay at school after class to have a group meeting on this big project they gave us. There's gonna be a fair and everything. They're making it a big deal-- and even demand a report of our planning. So I've been having to make notes of everything we do in relation to the project (since I volunteered for manager... haha).

So anyway, that meeting went from 12:30 (which is when our classes are done) to almost 3 o'clock. Longer than we wanted, but it was worth it. But the reason why I came home now so late is because once my dad picked me up, we decided to have lunch at the mall and then we ended up staying there till 5 PM. So now I have no hopes of doing any homework today. I won't even try... I don't want too either.

I'm tired. I could sleep right now... OK, maybe not... But I'm really sleepy now. But not enough to goof off, I guess.

As far as news go, I was invited, kinda sorta, to a birthday party this guy in my class is having-- today, that is-- but I don't think I'm going to go. It starts at 8 o'clock, at some restaurant or snack bar and.. well.. if anything-- I don't want to be stuck there with just a crowd of boys. There's a possibility some of the girls in my class may be going, but I'm just... not willing. Not if I'm this tired. But we'll see. Maybe I'll go-- 'just not sure.

This weekend there's a possibility I'll be going to an amusement park with Paula and some others. I don't think I've ever been to a genuine amusement park. Maybe when I was really little. Either way-- it's been a while.

I hope to have better news soon. ;d Oh, and speaking of better news-- I signed up for a Japanese course at my school. Finally the same lady that came in the beginning of the year offering such classes is offering them now, so I immediately put my name on the list, 'cause there's only 20 spaces. I was told there's going to be homework and tests included, but I'm there to learn, right? So it'll be a good way to learn.

Classes will be starting next Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. It makes me a little stressed out, since they also told us that it's a 3 hour class (at least that's what I understood), so well-- that's a LONG TIME. But hopefully this course will be fun too. o__o

Anyway-- as I was saying! I hope to have better news next time I post here, to prove that I am keeping my word and that I want to really change my ways. But right now I just want to get off the computer and get a glass of water. See ya.

test results

First comes first. So before I talk about anything else, I just want to post my test results because I never do bother, and hey—it may be interesting for someday out here on the web. Who knows.

By the way, before I do—I have to explain that the way they grade here in Brazil is very different to how they may grade something in say the U.S.. The way the grade things is sort of similar to the way they grade things in Europe, I guess.

Grades over here go from 0 to 10. Well, technically, 0 is non-existent, but even if you’re really screwed either way, they might just add say 0,7 – just to be accurate.

Anyway, the good grades start from the “average”, which in my school—it’s 7,0. So if you get at least 7,0 or higher on the majority or your grades, you’re good. Of course, something like 8,0; 8,5; 9,0; or what to speak of a good old 10 is even better.

Anything lower than 7,0 in my school is not very good. I consider a 6,0 to be borderline, since it’s almost 7,0. If you receive 5,0—they give you back your test either way. But if you receive a lower grade than that—like 4,0 or anything lower—your parents will have to come to the school and receive the test directly. If you get a lot these low considered grades—there’s a very big chance you may not pass on a subject. But that’s a different story all together.

So, now that I’ve explained that---and hopefully you understood it--here are my test results.

• Math: 7,5 – FINALLY.
• Physics: 8,1 -- a miracle!
• Portuguese: 7,2 -- but on the composition part, I got 6,4—so my average grade in a whole is 6,8
• History: 5,0 -- there wasn’t enough time to study!
• Philosophy: 7,0?
• English: 9,6 – can you believe I only didn’t get 10 because I forgot to add 2 times “d” in the word “use”?!
• Geography: 8,5 –what a relief.
• Biology: 6,3
• Chemistry: 6,2 – Even though normally get an 8,0 or 7,0…
• “ADEM”: Not sure yet.

"Idleness" is some's worst enemy.

Listening to: "Silver Lining" - Rilo Kiley

When I stated sadly to one of my friends on the phone the other day --
"I have no news-- that's the sad part about my life." -- my friend, specifically Cristina, laughed and said that she wanted such a life as mine. I guess I can understand that, since Cristina makes it a point to make her life out of the ordinary, sort of interesting (at least in comparison to mine). But she wants that, she strives for that, she's determined to do so.

OK, maybe I'm exaggerating, (btw, did I ever say I never know how to spell "exaggerating" correctly? I always have to spellcheck it.) since let's face reality (or my reality, I guess) as it is. Cristina's life is not THAT interesting-- she (and pretty much everybody else) just has more of a social life than I do, I suppose. Or makes a point to have one.

That's my problem, I guess. That must be the reason for my potential mopey state. Then again, if I'm posting here, I guess I already 'am moping. Lately my posts have become a result of simply a place to let my frustration out. I don't want my blog to be only of that. Besides, if this blog is partially about my life, then my oh my-- I'm not making much an effort to get rid of such frustration.

And all I seem to have are excuses. Like but this, and but that! As if that is going to make it any clearer-- what I have to do. What I have to do to make myself happier is almost as clear as day, it's simply me that does not want to admit it fully, to the point that I take action.

As I frown and type, let's take one big problem into consideration. I am lazy. A LAZY LITTLE 16 YEAR OLD TEENAGER. I need to throw out this terrible habit out of the window right now, or very very soon, or else I will never be happy! I won't be miserable, I'll just be a little happy. But I could be a lot happier than I am. All I have to do is get off my lazy little bum (not to mention to stop slouching) and dedicate myself to trying a little harder.

Not everything will come to you in your life. One of my stupid dilemma's is that I already have a lot of things in my life. Nice things that came to me, but by the hard work of my parents. But what I lack is things that most people already have-- which is a social life that is already quite developed. Me? I act like those kittens who are afraid to be pet by a stranger. I'm not kidding!

I've gotten better. I have been making a small effort to make more friends, but in the end, it continues to be small-- I could be trying a bit harder.

I'm not saying that I don't have any friends. But the small amount that I do also have their social life, and can't always give their attention to me. So... well-- I get lonely sometimes!

Another thing that has been bugging me a lot is that I don't dedicate myself to sharpening my skills, whatever they be. For example, I'd like to take some classes. Piano classes, or maybe even dance classes! I want to at least be able to maintain a website other than my disloyal example of a blog, express my creativity behind such things, therefore making me more confident in at least something. I want to be able to say "Yes, I've been doing such and such for so many years or months."

I think that if I did that, I'd be more happy about myself. And what do you see me doing? Mentally complaining, lazing about-- like any idiotic teenager (who btw has no hormones in function, haha) might do.

Let's face it! I'm LAZY as heck. If I wasn't lazy, I could easily be doing all these things, or at least half. I mean, sure-- everybody's lazy once in a while. It's human nature. But I am simply indulging too much in it. I'm 16 years old, right? I'll be 17 next year. I'm getting older. I'm not a kid anymore! The least I could do was be mature enough to be able to dedicate myself to something. Sure, I'm dedicating myself to school-- but anybody has to do that to pass. School is not my problem.

My problem is that I get lazy when I find myself in a situation that may ask a bit more effort of me than usual. The only reason I am doing well/somewhat decent in school is , well-- I refuse to fail and the pressure is thick enough to get me going. But anything else outside of that, if it's even a bit challenging, I simply opt to the easiest way out if I have one. And that's normally not doing it.

You see how idiotic I am?

Next time I post here-- I hope I can say I have made a change. And that I continue making a change. For once, I think I can "walk" out of here relieved at such a rant. Normally rants only make me more mopey and frustrated. But this time-- I've had a enough. I think I can finally get this out of my system and do something about it. Thank you, blog!

Test Week (1st bisemester of the 2nd semester)

These first 3 paragraphs were written on Tuesday, btw. I just don't feel like taking it out, lol.

I should be studying now, seeing that I have 3 tests tomorrow. I would be doing so, even heartfully, if it wasn't for the fact that I'm still tired and a cold is trying to get to me.

It's nothing serious yet. But I have to blow my nose now and then. And for whatever reason, I felt like I just came out of a marathon, once my dad picked me up from school and we ate at the mini-mall.

Normally I can eat the full plate of pasta from Spoleto easily, but I could barely eat half. My dad was okay with it, thankfully.

Monday were two tests just like today, only yesterday it was Portuguese (Grammer & Literature) and English (the language). I was fine that day, and the only thing I found myself stuck in was when the test in Portuguese asked us to write a composition, either of a instruncional manual, or an opinianated article about Global Warming. No ideas came to-- as far as a original product for the first option. Little did I know, it could have been unrealistic (I would have had a ton ideas if I had known that), so I chose the second option. Dragging through it, I was able to write something.

Tuesday was Math & Geography. I was pleasantly surprised at how many math questions I was able to answer. I guess studying from 4:30 PM till nearly 9 PM with my tutor payed off for something! What really bugged me afterwards is that I still managed to get a question wrong (I asked one of my classmates how hers came out, and more than 2 people got that answer) just because of a stupid - (minus) I forgot to add!! Then I would have gotten the rest of the answer right. I was annoyed then, but now I'm just dissapointed. Oh well. I just hope that for change, seeing that I did so many questions, except for 3 or 4 (they're 15 problems in total) I didn't know how to do or messed up most likely, instead of getting 5,0 or 5,5 as a grade, to at least get 6,0 or a 7,0, if anything higher.

In Geography, even though I made nearly 5 pages worth of notes, I still didn't do very well on the test. Not at all, actually. I only remembered vaguely of some things. I won't be surprised if my grade is low on it. But I'm not worried, since I can make up for it easily, I think.

On Wednesday, it was Physics, History, and Philosophy.
Physics was okay-- I think the test was pretty easy, basically because it wasn't my teacher who did it, but another Physics teacher. Although there were 2 or 3 questions I didn't understand. But seriously. My teacher's tests are a pain. He makes them unnecessarily complicated... History was a total bomb, which is unusual for me. Philosophy was pretty easy.

On Thursday: Biology and Chemistry. I studied Biology at the last minute (a.k.a, the day before the test) based on what our teacher wrote on the board. I was only able to study half of what we were told to study, but luckily what I studied is what mostly came up on the test --- which was the different systems; Cardiovascular, Digestive, and "breathing" (I can't remember its name in english, lol) -- so I did pretty well on Biology, I hope. Normally I just get by on the Biology tests. Chemistry was cool. It's strange, but I never have to study Chemistry for the tests. All I do is a quick look in my notebook. I admit, this one was a bit more complicated for me, but nonetheless I think I can get a decent grade on it.

Friday, which is today my friends, is a goofy test of 30 questions, with the optional a, b, c, d, e stuff-- only it has a theme, and it mixes all the subjects (as much as they can anyway). This semester's theme is the Pan-Americano 2007 games that happened in Rio de Janeiro. Kind of like the olympics. Anyway, so all you have to do is mark your choice, and fill the blocks that are either a, b, c, d, or e on this seperate sheet of paper they give you for each question, and then you leave with your test, only to find out the true answers the next week. It's an annoying, silly test, but if you get a good average/grade on it, that grade will repeat in all of your subjects, so if you're doing bad on some, it can help..

The goofy thing about today is that of all possibilities, the school managed to give us (students of my grade, that is) the wrong test, or rather, they gave us the test of last semester. So we had to wait for nearly an hour and a half for them to remake copies of the actual one, which was okay with me, but everybody was miffed, since we lost that hour and half that we could have been doing the test already. Since each day of test week, we have 4 hours to do whatever tests there may have for that day. I guess people were just eager to get out early.

SO! That's my week. Sort of. In a nutshell. I have wanted to make a post like this, about my tests, but never got up to it. Hope it was interestin'.

I can't think of a darn title.

Life is okay. Life is good. Student life is as normal as it gets.

But one thing I can say:
I passed in Physics!-- A.K.A I passed the test I had to take during vacation. I was more 80% sure that I did not pass the test, simply because I felt horrible when I did it. I won't say I got a very good grade on the test, but it was enough to pass the subject, so I am more than happy to report that.

On other news, next week is test week. I already started studying this week, or rather, I already started making notes. But really? I don't feel that I have been able to sit down to focus and truthfully study. So I will try and focus on that this weekend, for sure....

When I got home today, I did something different. I played Zelda: Twilight Princess. And I was actually able to get somewhere! I was stuck on a part where Link is in his wolf form, and I had to go around this village cloaked by twilight, searching for the "tears of light" which only can be found by chucking at the invisible bugs (which are not invisible anymore once you turn on your night vision, lol). It took me a while to realize the that to go into this one building to get the last couple 3, all I had to do was jump into the darn broken window. Sometimes I lack to notice the most simple clues. Now I want to play more and I really shouldn't... I should be doing math excercises or better yet-- chanting. Yet, you know how it goes.

Procrastination is one of your worst enemies.

Other than that... I'm sure I have others to speak of, but I just don't feel like talking about it. I need to choose to post here when I'm not sleepy. I get nowhere like this... I just get frustrated, that's all. Moody. Dunno why.

And I start rambling. With no point.

I'm stuck with the decision to either go to a friend's b-day party tomorrow, using up pretty much the whole day there, or staying home studying for my tests. I can't decide. Both are important to me... This is why I hate decisions! But then again, one way I could look at this is that my grades on the tests, once they are there-- no turning back. No worth moping. So maybe that means I should stay at home and study, just to make sure I get good grades. But then I'll be missing a friend's birthday party-- that's sad.

Oh well. I'll figure it out...

1890's smarts

Some things that happened today:
• I saw the most adorable siamese kitten today.
• I just watched a movie called "A Good Woman." Never did I think a group of old men talking amongst one another could be so terribly funny and so true.
• My headache is gone..!
• I didn't study the rest of Geography or Chemistry, like I wanted to. But for some reason I'm not worried about my mini-tests tomorrow. I feel okay about it.
• And my headache is gone. Isn't that just wonderful?
• It is wonderful.
• Now I shall go to sleep...
In hopes of dreaming about the 1890's.
And witty side comments.

Good Night

Michael B.

I still say Michael Bublé has one of the MOST sweetest jazzy voices ever. Someone commented on a song, saying that his voice is like "butter sizling on a frying pan". I totally agree, haha. <3

Go here to witness his gorgeous voice.

Study, doust tho?

Student life is sad. Not all the time. But there are no doubt times. Times where you have yet to study for the test week that's coming after the coming week-- if you catch my drift.

I haven't studied yet. Not properly, not what I would consider "studying" at least. And it's my fault in the end, I know! But... but it's too late to say "but". That's what's depressing. I'm just going to have to study a lot this coming week, and next, 'course. It's what always seems to happen when test week comes. I can't seem to organize my studies a week or two ahead. Some people can, but I can't. Not now, anyway.

Student life. Isn't it a beautiful thing? Three years from now, or later no doubt, I'll be looking back on this with a laugh and a "I want those days back." It's like that everytime. Once you don't have it-- you want it. And when you have-- you asked for too much, or want less, or none at all. Us peeps are stupid, if you ask me. So very undecisive to the point that it gets to you.

Something different

Currently Listening to:
"Live for today, we'll dream tomorrow
We've got big plans in sight
We'll take this city, and by nightfall
the bright lights are calling "
--> "Time & Confusion" - Anberlin

-- Some rock music is very infectious.

Well hello there. I've been wanting to write. I have the urge when I don't have the time, but when I think I do have the time, I find some other reason not to. I also want to post more often. Afterall, why have a blog if you're not faithful to its purpose?

School this week has been better. AHEM. I STILL haven't done my History homework. I think I'm going to have to get it done tomorrow afterall... But I did all the rest on Friday.


Last weekend I slept at Paula's place for a change. Like, the first time! Before that, I went to a birthday party with her-- a party of a friend of hers which I have only met a couple times, but he invited me anyway, so I couldn't say no-- I ended up buying a box of chocolates for him. You can't go wrong with those, right? The party started around 7 o'clock, and we stayed there till 11:30 or so.

I even saw one of my classmates, Jessica, there! She's the only girl who really seems into manga/anime, but she's so quiet and unperdictable that I find it more of a challenge to get to know her. I attempted to talk to her-- we actually managed to have a longer dialouge than usual. Her brother and sister were also there---she said her sister thought I was an emo girl~ It didn't bother me at the time, but for some reason now I can't get it out of my head. -__-


Despite the fact that I don't really feel comfortable at parties (even though this was a very small-scale party), I found this one fun. I felt a bit weird when I tried to dance at first, despite the fact there was nobody really in the room when we got there, but I just listened to the music and didn't try anything fancy. After an hour or two going back and fourth, in and out, the room seemed like a oven, once a good amount of people were in there-- there was only a fan in there to cool off. A small one. So I just stayed outside. I also found out that I'm not the only person who may go to a party and doesn't dance. Jéssica and her sister refused to go inside the dance room. "No way. I don't dance!" I, for a second, felt like laughing, since here I was seeing a mirror image of myself, trying to convince them to at least try. It was no use, though. I said "I don't know how to dance either, but hey-- I do something and improvise!" No change in answer, though.

After talking to Jessica, seeing her leave, I sat next to Arthur (paula's brother with the white cap) and Davi (grey shirt and curly hair) on a bench, since I didn't really feel like chasing after Paula while she was dancing away. Eventually, after maybe 20 minutes, Paula and the rest of the boys came to join in the conversation. At that point I just listened. And the only time someone actually did talk to me, aside from the people that I already knew, was when I wasn't even listeing properly. He had asked me a question about something he had said before that I didn't even hear right-- 'cause I was spacing out. I didn't know what to say, but luckily someone else butted in before I was forced to say "I don't know what you're talking about."

I am rambling and repeating myself...

When we got back to Paula's apartment, it was around 12 o'clock. I only went to bed around 3:30 AM, but somehow Paula managed to stay up till 5 AM?! She's crazy, I say.

The next day I woke up unluckilly early as usual, and just my luck-- that time in the month arrived... I came prepared, but still-- I was weak the whole day. So we asked Davi and his cousin to come over after originally they wanted us to go out to the mall... Other than playing the most pointless board-game ever, I watched Ouran episodes with Paula, witnessed and tasted Paula's terrible sense of spicing, and watched Arthur and Davi play something I haven't seen in years. Pokémon cards! XD They were bored, obviously.

All in all, it was fun. And now I'm ramble-ed out. Hope this was entertaining. ;/

Plans unaccomplished

Listening to: Here in Your Arms - Hellogoodbye

First, I had plans to do my History homework-- that didn't go anywhere. Sleepy as I was, I then was going to take a nap. But then my mom called-- we talked. And now I can't really sleep nor do I want to do homework right now but I want to finish as much I can today.... Life is just a never ending set of stairs. The steps constantly make you trip in some way.

Today, some goofball had the idiotic idea while most-likely bored in History class, to hand me an eraser, asking me to pass it to some person (which I didn't even hear the name of right) and actually one side of the eraser was full of white-out. I didn't notice it until I was about to hand it to the person across from me, which is when I saw the white side, and its remains on my hand. Some people have nothing better to do, I swear...

Hum... I had a point to this post. I was helping my dad on and off to move a desk to another room just a while ago, and now I don't remember what I was going to write.. So this shall be stated "RANDOM" from here.

NEWS! I have none.

This was the week full of small tests. Explanation: My school does a program that every other week there are two-question-tests of each subject. Today was a week of tests. Today's history test was a total bomb. I didn't study a thing, so I literally guessed, trying to remember something vague I had heard last week. I think it came out to be a lost cause, in the end. As I opened my history book, I concidentally came to the exact page I needed to get the answer right. Oh well.. History is otherwise easy-- they don't expect you to know any dates, just facts! I love that part. Sadly, right now we're seeing the part of history I've already heard of several times, like the Industrial Revolution in England. Soon it's going to be the 1st + 2nd WW. I start to get bored once History starts to get recent.

I wanted to post here a couple days earlier this week, but it was impossible! Because of tests, I had to always study something, besides keeping my homework up-to-date. It's sad.

What else? It's 5 o'clock (even though I started this post originally around 3 o'clock), and I still have homework to do. I normally try my best lately to have pretty much no homework except what was given today to do, but since Thursday, I have not been able to do it. So now I have exactly these subjects (as far as homework) according to my agenda:
• Grammer
• Philosphy Project (it has nothing to do with philosophy, btw)
• Physics
• Portuguese
• English
• Math
• History

Isn't that depressing!?

Anyway, I better get to it, or else it won't happen. So I'll just explain what this project is about... I guess. Basically my Philosophy teacher (speaking of teachers, I MUST make a post talking about each and one of my teachers, because each and everyone of them are so different and quirky.) asked us to do a group project about traffic acidents, how to avoid them, etc. I'm in charge of the panel/board/picture stuff in my group. I was planning to have done some research already yesterday, but as you can see, if I can't even blog, research is even harder! So I'm going to do that this weekend... He also asked us to make a written essay about it. It's due on the 4th of September, thankfully. Or else I'd be screwed.

So yeah-- not a very detailed explanation, but I kind of have to stop here. Seriously. I have to do homework! Or else I will seriously regret tomorrow. So off I go!

Stomach is h e a v y

The more you want the more you must do, and the more you strive the more your stomach starts to feel heavy after eating too fast just after having been running around the kitchen trying to make a quick lunch coming back from school. Or at least that's my case.

News, news-- yes? I'm really late on this stuff. I've gotten real' lazy about blogging. It's sad. Anyway, as fas as "new" goes, or better yet, a couple weeks ago "new", I've got the following:

• I now have bangs
• school is showing its cruel teeth again
• but I'm trying harder to fight like a good soldier
• I think I'm finally starting to make steps to making a friend in my class
• I've decided to participate in my school's dance festival (although its theme is lame)
• tests are already in 2 weeks and a half?!
• I'm desperately craving for new types music artists (ok, I won't go for anything)
• Biology is actually becoming interesting...?
• I changed the layout because I was stressed?
• my dreams lately are only getting weirder...

Anything else is normal, so to speak. My dad has been having a health up n' down kind of deal lately, where his alergies are stronger and his throat gets really sore at night, plus insonia... I'm just glad I don't have that problem yet. But I do hope he gets better soon or else he wants to go to a docter, which most good ones are really expensive!

What else? I need to get my glasses re-done. I can only see really sharp on the very end of my glasses, like I have to turn my neck sideways and glance foward, only then through my glasses I get a better picture. Looking normally through my glasses-- I just get a lame but not totally blurry image, as far as reading from a distant. That's not always fun when you some teacher in your class doesn't have the most readable writing...

At this point I'm rambling, so I think I'll stop. I want to make an effort to post more often now. So hopefully you'll see me here tomorrow or in the next day posting again.
;D

Some sweet words

My mommy's b-day is this Sunday. I've decided to get her a teddy bear, since my mom is mushy and silly like that. But it's not just any teddy bear. It's two teddy bears hugging eachother with a rose betwen their arms! How CUTE can it get?! She'll love it, I know it. Even if it'll be a bit late-- she'll love it. She's gotta!

Anyway, that's not my dilemna. My dilemna is that I wanted to write a poem in her b-day card. A very cute card, btw, it is. I've only managed to make one that isn't as cheesy as the others and doesn't sound like a love poem... as much.

The flower stirs uncertainly
As the sun
Makes its way
Into its heart.

But you seem
To blossom
more than the most --
Fresh and full of smiles
You make the sun shine a bit more,
Brighter.

And then I'd say something like Happy Birthday, mom-- I love you so much etc. Yet later today I thought maybe I'd just say:

I thought for a while of how
I could be poetic
and make a poem for you.

Yet I realized
After a while
That in the end
There are no words
That can tell you
How much I love you.

But maybe I'll just write that and then add the other "poem" as an additional. Any suggestions?

Impersonal

Sometimes I can be so inconsiderate. I am so caught up in my own insecurities that sometimes-- people get hurt in the process. I know it probably hurts more for the person hurt, but it also hurts and makes me very sad to think I can be so careless of people's feelings. I guess I think that people won't take what I don't say or do, not personally. But I guess I'm too impersonal and distant to realize a lot people do take it personally.

It scares me to think that if I let such things go on as they have for quite a while, being the way I am, I'll end up loosing many people I hold dear, even the ones I may not say so to at all. Even the people I don't know that well. It seems like the only person I can say "I love you" honestly, without fear, are my parents. But why can't I say that to my friends? What am I so afraid of? Even my closest friends cease to know my biggest fears or realities in my life simply because I refuse to even talk about them.

Why can't I be just honest with myself and with others? Why do I have to be such a jerk sometimes?

I may be just blowing a small thing that happened in to very large proportions, but to see that I hurt somebody today, although I was forgiven-- it made me realize how cold I must seem to people. Sure, I have excuses. I'm shy and insecure, not much of a talker, but even so... that doesn't give me the right to be so cold. I'm sweet, and polite, but that's all they get to see. Everything else, whatever there may be left, I block off from any prying eyes. And when I know someone may start liking me unexpectedly, I become instantly stiff in my ways, refusing to open myself up to whoever that may be.

Because I'm afraid of what could happen, I guess. Of the reactions, maybe-- I really don't know. But why be so afraid? I have no memories or traumas of being severely hurt by anybody, or hurt at all, for that matter.

There's some people that make you feel like an open book, and there's others that don't. Depending on what kind of person you are, they'll struggle or not to understand you. Sometimes I meet people who seem to like they can read my expressions. But it's all my illusion, when they finally tell me how mysterious they think I am. That they have yet to figure me out. Which is okay, so my dad says-- but how long will they be patient? Depending on who that is, I suppose they'll wait longer or not. If they really care for you. If they really want to get to know you.

And I do have those around. I have those friends, even when I might not realize it. But while they're around, giving me their smiles and their hugs and laughter, I always seem in debt. While a couple few may poor their worries and troubles to me, I keep my own to myself. And I never seem to speak them.

I guess this post or topic is pretty hopeless, because in the end I always never end up getting to the point-- I always end up lamenting far too much then needed, 'get too worked up about it then needed. I never come up with a closure, a conclusion, a solution. So I don't think about these things, because what's the point? It doesn't help you get rid of it. But I couldn't help but let out what I am feeling right now. A lot of the times I stop myself from posting much, sometimes a lack of will-- most of the time it's a shrug of the shoulder and "whatever". Like it's not important. And in these times I feel silly for being such a drama queen when I do speak out about such things.

Like a cry-baby, sort of. "What's the point of moping?"
But there it is. That's where I normally finish. With a sigh, as if it were hopeless and nothing could be possibly done about it. Yet there is a way. I just have to let my eyes see it. I have to let my self go. I must face my fears like a decent person should. Even if I have help, it's something only I can do in the end. After all, nobody can take control of me, at least not for now, as I only let my own fears take hold of me.

Blog rating, lol.

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

They based this on my saying "death" 7 times, and mentioning "murder" once on the front page.

Paracuru

I just got back from my trip ou of the city, into a small town called Paracuru, where one of my friends, Cristina, is now living. Other than myself, another one of my friends, Paula, came along with me too.

We left on Thursday morning and arrived around lunchtime. Long hours on the first night were included (we stayed up until 5 o’clock in the morning once!) The second night we just stayed up till 1 o’clock. Not as bad as least.

I got to see Lucas, former classmate of mine from last year, staying there as well. He’s still as smiley and clingy as ever, though Paula says he has matured a lot. I still can’t get to his clingy habits. It’s strange.
I got to meet a friend of Cristina’s, Marcus. (He’s totally into the Final Fantasy series.) He’s the first guy friend of Cristina that I actually was able to come to like. He joked like any guy would, but he still was polite and more than that, not tense around me. Either that, or it was just me that wasn’t tense around someone new for once! He also didn't make a big deal of the fact that I'm not very talkative, which most people tend to make some joke out of or bug me about it. Funny that he seems to be a big fan of Evanescence, and even wore a shirt of the lead singer.

We walked a lot. The streets of the town are mostly made out of stone. I was kind of surprised at how far you could walk without really worrying about assaults or anything.

It has the cutest town square, too. It has around the first half of the square, vines of flowers hanging along these wooden planks of something. And of course, it has a church in the middle. Beyond the square is the beach, I think.

Last night was sort of wild. People at the square, or just people in general, if they had the chance, wouldn’t even be shy at all, to simply stare. You know when you heard from your parents that it isn’t polite to stare? Well, they forgot that advice. Or they never heard of it. Because they were completely like : “I don’t care if it’s obvious, I’m gonna stare!” Seriously. I didn’t no where to look at first. The floor?

Another wild thing was while we went to drop off some movies, somewhere down one of the streets, we passed by a bar or something. They all stared like idiots, the people sitting there, but I ignored it. Then, all of a sudden, after our group finally passes, the group of guys there start howling. Literally. I thought it was hilarious and yet crazy at the same time. Like… where was their pride?!

It was all fun in the end, though. But I still think some of the people there are kind of wild. Like this guy who was sort of a friend of Cristina’s from her school, had the nerve (I mean the N-E-R-V-E) to look down her V cut blouse and make a joke about something of her bra. O_o
Talk about crazy.

What else? We played videogames. Although even though I brought some of mine based on request, somehow nobody ended up playing them. Oh well. I also ended up bringing 2 games, among others, with no CD inside, hah.

Not much else I can say, I guess. Good thing I decided to talk about my trip now, instead of tomorrow—that’s when I would really never end up talking about it.

Unfortunately, most of the good pictures of all of us are stuck in Cristina’s camera, so I can only show you the very few pictures that I took in mine, which doesn’t show much.

Oh, we also walked on the beach once, around 4 o’clock. We rode on the back of the jeep, hehe. That was fun. Bummer I didn’t take my camera at that time, ‘cause the sunset was great, and because it was so windy, the sand made some awesome shapes and patterns across the ground. Think of northern lights but on the sand.

Peeps playing videogames.

Hangin' at the square. From left to right:
Marcus, Lucas, Paula, Cristina. (Bad picture, I know...)

Paula is model material when she doesn't realize she's being taken pictures of.

Paula and Me.

Paula and Lucas.

Cristina, her little sister Daisy, and their new bikes.

At 4 o'clock we decided to go upstairs and get ready for bed, haha.

Me dad is here to pick us up.

(I found this one, of Cristina's pictures, on the internet just now! :D)

Death Note BEST SONG

My favorite song in the whole series.


Online Videos by Veoh.com

Death Note ... (possible spoilers)

It's an intense story, in some ways. Then again, so are most cop-robber TV shows we see nowadays. But what I'm trying to say is that even thouh Death Note is not the best story, afterall, it's about dark elements that live in all of us. It speaks of murder, "death gods", betrayal, cheating, and lies, fear-- think negative stuff and you'll see it somewhere there.

Yet me being me, I was fascinated by the characters and plot. And even though the protagonist is someone who in real life we'd fear and hate, just like in a movie-- you come to grow close to even the most rotten characters. You become attached, rooting for their happiness somewhere, even though you know that they'll meet their fall eventually, like they should, at least.

I guess one of the reasons why I continued to watch Death Note despite the sometimes intense/brutal parts, is that it remains a piece of art. If this was made into a big production movie with realistic people playing the roles, maybe it would be a bit more effective, as far as rousing any disgust to the violence. (Yeah, so what if there's already a movie. It looks silly.) But then again... there are loads of horror movies and others that manage to bring out loads of heavy violence, which makes Death Note pale in comparison.

Regardless, the concept, although a tad simple if you really think about it deeply, it captures who ever is watching or reading by the characters and mostly the characters alone. I admire any writer who can make their characters come to life and be made relatable, even if the surroundings may not be.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is... I'm sad the story ended. But strangley enough, I'm satisfied by how it ended. And even comparing the slightly different way it ends in the manga to how it ends in the anime, I am much happier with how it ends in the anime. Which is very strange, since normally the manga, being the original story, is what I tend to prefer. But I find the ending of the anime more appropriate. The manga's ending probably has its reasons for ending the way it did, but for some reason... I can't warm up to it.

This is also the first time I'm happy with an ending, in regards to series that I really come to love. It leaves you sad that it ended, but kind of happy and satisfied. Those are my feelings anyway.

(Gosh, i never realized how much I could ramble.)

KUDOS TO AN AWESOME STORY AND GREAT ARTWORK AND ANIMATION! <3 <3<3<3 Many hugs to the creator. I shall keep this one in my treasured collection.

Those fun little things

What Your Dreams Mean...

Your dreams seem to show that you're a bit disturbed... but nothing serious. You may have a problem you're trying to work out in your sleep. Overall, you are very content in your life. Your dreams indicate that you have very conflicted feelings. You have a very vivid imagination and a rich creative mind. You secretly want to hide your dreams from your waking mind.

What Do Your Dreams Mean?

You Are 56% Shy

Although you live a pretty normal life, you tend to be a fairly shy person. Many situations make you feel uncomfortable, and you sometimes find your shyness hindering your life.

How Shy Are You?

Nothing new about that.

You Are A Romantic Realist

You tend to be grounded when it comes to romance. Sure, you can fall hard... but only for someone you've gotten to know. And once you're in love, you can be a total romantic goofball... But you'd never admit it to your friends!

Are You Romantic or Realistic?

Your Sensitivity Score: 71%

You are a highly sensitive person. Pretty much everything effects you. You are tuned into the vibe around you, and someone's bad mood can bring you down. But you also easily share in someone's joy - whether you know them or not.

Are You Extremely Sensitive?

You Are an Okay Student

You know how to get by school, but your heart isn't always in it. Motivation is a problem for you. Maybe you need to study something more exciting!

Are You a Good Student?

You Are 20% Spoiled

You are definitely not spoiled. You've worked hard for what you have. Down to earth and grounded, you don't need a lot to make you happy.

Are You Spoiled?

I am not down to earth at all. But I don't need a whole lot to make me happy, yes. Sometimes, maybe, lol-- but most of the time I'm fine with just myself as entertainment.

You Are 19% Borderline

Your personality isn't borderline anything. You're happy, stable, content, together... ever consider being a therapist?

Do You Have a Borderline Personality?

People have suggested that to me, lol.

How You Life Your Life

You have a good sense of self control and hate to show weakness. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences. You tend to dream big, but you worry that your dreams aren't attainable.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Somewhat true.

Who Should Paint You: Gustav Klimt

Sensual and gorgeous, you would inspire an enchanting portrait.. With just enough classic appeal to be hung in any museum!

What Artist Should Paint Your Portrait?

A break?

I'll be frank. My final tests are done. But I'll only get the official grades on Saturday. So until then, I'm not sure if I'll have extra classes next week, and then a test in the end of July-- all depends on my grades on certain subjects. But then again, why bother talking about that? After all, it's done! History.

Either way, during this time of vacation, I want to set some goals. Just so I don't dwadle and stare while doing nothing productive. So here they are:

1. I shall at least once a week try to cook a meal.
2. Do 1 sketch a day.
3. Progress in writing ( the Katherine story, lol.)
4. Maybe cut my hair? :D
5. When I wake up, instead of going to the computer, take a shower.

And... anything else shall manifest itself soon. In the end, these goals are just to keep me busy. Silly as they may be, they're something to focused on, plus something to post about since I really miss blogging! And now it's 11 o'clock (almost) and I should really go to bed now... So, see you!

Hopefully I can conjure something more interesting to talk about some time soon, maybe tomorrow who knows! ;P

DREAM

You got to wonder sometimes. What are dreams? What is their use? Those endless amount of images that fly through our minds while we "sleep". What is the point of their existance?

I've heard lots of differents opinions. I've heard on the TV that some scientists believe, based on experiments, that without dreams, we cannot sleep. That some experiences have proven that if you disturb the person just when he's about to start dreaming, countless times, not only do they become completely deprived of sleep, they go sort of crazy.

Other opinions say that dreams solve problems. Not math problems, mind you, just... problems and dilemas in our life. Others believe that they have a meaning, and are a sign that either something is wrong, or something significant is happening, etc.

Or we could just say they're a bunch of image slides displaying themselves based on our last thoughts before we go to bed, or something we experienced recently, or just something we saw on TV.

OR simply our imagination going a little wild. Afterall, what's wrong with creativity?

In the end, I guess I should explain the sudden question about dreams. I had a dream last night. Nothing special. Nothing exceptionally weird (as most of my dreams are). But it had a strange sensation to it, as most dreams do. But this dream made me happy. I dreamt of a friend, among others, that used to be my classmate last year. Now that all my friends have changed schools, it's become a bit more difficult to see eachother or keep in touch. Especially since, not only does he go to a different school, but he lives quite far out of the city. Nonetheless, there have been times where I have come across him at the mall after school. We say hello, ask how our lives have been treating us (mostly school related), and that's pretty much it, because it normally ends by the fact that one of the other has to go back to a group of friends, or in my case, back to my dad-- to go back home.

And it's normal to have short conversations, I guess, now that we're not classmates and seeing eachother everyday, but even so. I can't help but ask why it can't be as casual. As "friendly." I just can't help but miss the guy, I suppose, probably because he made my days at school hectic with his pranks and jokes, but it was fun in the end. He was labled annoying sometimes, but the kind of annoying guy you liked to have around anyway, since he made the atmosphere so much more less serious.

What makes me really wonder, though, is why all these thoughts, if despite being my "friend", I never really knew him as well as some others. He was a... friendly aquaintance, that I was able to consider a friend because of the fact that he was so friendly.

But I guess there's no point making it a big deal. I just miss the past, what I'd cheesily call the "old times" where things were less stressful, a bit more carefree, and much more silly, especially when he was there to make a mess.

And I bet anybody reading this would immadiately conclude that I have a crush on this guy. But that is hard to prove, seeing as I don't have the symptoms, aside from missing him. Besides, there shouldn't be anything stange about liking a guy without actually having feelings for him. But then again, who knows. I just find that possibility far-fetched, and cruel, since I can't possibly "like" him right after he stopped "liking" me. Haha.

I guess I didn't come here to talk about dreams, but rather the people in it, although normally my dreams are full of fiction people, and if any people I know are present, they act out of character, which makes them weird too.

Alas, I am rambling, and I can't seem to get to the point, since I don't know what point I'm trying to make! Oh dilema. I'll leave it at this.

P.S. How ironic that I post something about a guy friend just a day after I read Chai's post about her old friend. Maybe that triggered this whole thing?

SRK

Even when I don't know exactly what he's saying all the time, he doesn't cease to be extremely charming! <3

Pretend it was yesterday

"Gone Going" - Jack Johnson (feat. Black Eyed Peas)